by Chris Chichester on 08/11/16
"This land is your land / This land is my land / From California to the New York island; / From the red wood forest to the Gulf stream waters / This land was made for you and me." — Woody Guthrie
Thank you! Thank you for that amazing welcome.
And Chelsea, thank you.
I'm so proud to be your mother and so proud of the woman you've become. You know, you're not some little woman standing by your man like Tammy Wynette:
But If You Love Him You'll Forgive Him
Even Though He's Hard To Understand
And If You Love Him, Oh, Be Proud Of Him
'Cause After all He's Just A Man
Stand By Your Man
16. I exclaimed, "What are you doing?" and escaped Mr. Clinton's reach by walking away from him. I was extremely upset and confused and I did not know what to do. I tried to distract Mr. Clinton by asking him about his wife and her activities, and I sat down at the end of the sofa nearest the door. Mr. Clinton then walked over to the sofa, lowered his trousers and underwear, exposed his penis (which was erect) and told me to "kiss it."
My James Carville wind-up toy provided the perfect response to this absurd allegation: "If you drag a hundred-dollar bill through a trailer park, you'll never know what you'll find."
Thank you for that accuracy, James. You are such a Louisiana redneck. I am ecstatic that you compared Governor Bill Richardson to Judas Iscariot when he endorsed Senator Barack Obama in 2008:
"Mr. Richardson's endorsement came right around anniversary of the day when Judas sold out for 30 pieces of silver, so I think the timing is appropriate, if ironic."
Bill, I know you look forward to a beautiful re-decoration of The White House with those pink-and-lavender drapes you observed at The Mustang Ranch. I plan to hire Porsche, Destiny, Diamond, Raven, Cherry, Star and Jade as your White House assistants. I trust that I can locate you in The Lincoln Bedroom with your assistants on a daily basis so each can be your personal Woman In Chains. Bill, I am so glad we invited those average Americans for overnight visits at The White House, which includes Hanoi Jane Fonda, Ted Turner, [D—Iranian Nuclear Weapons], Steven Spielberg, David Geffen, Richard Dreyfuss [D—Jaws], Ted Danson, Carnal Knowledge Candice Bergen, Chevy Chase, Neil Simon, Kathleen Battle, Judy Collins, Neil Simon, Doris Kearns Goodwin [D— Plagiarism], Peter Guber, Tom Hanks, Barbra Streisand, Dawn Steele and The Bitch for God Marianne Williamson [D-Blasphemous]. From "God Help Us" in The Weekly Standard on February 17, 2014:
"In response to numerous reports of her explosive temper and overbearing management stye, Williamson, ever ready to embrace her own weaknesses, nicknamed herself 'The Bitch for God.'"
According to CNN, The Lincoln Bedroom list is:
* 370 Arkansas Friends
* 155 Longtime Friends
* 111 Friends And Supporters
* 128 Public Officials And Dignitaries
* 67 From Arts And Letters
From "The Lincoln Bedroom Is Still Paying Dividends" by Liz Essley Whyte in Slate on October 26, 2015:
"The Center for Public Integrity published the first list of donors who nabbed a night in the Clinton White House — and whose stays sparked outrage and investigations — in its 1996 report, 'Fat Cat Hotel.' Of the 66 original 'Fat Cats' still living, 34 have donated a total of $1.15 million to Hillary Clinton's campaign or the super PACs supporting her since January 2013. With more than a year before the general election, the number of supporters and their donations will likely rise."
From "A Guide To The Allegations Of Bill Clinton's Womanizing" in The Washington Post by Glenn Kessler on December 30, 2015:
"Update: We were focused on stories that emerged during Clinton's presidency. But many readers have also urged us to include a reference to Clinton's post-presidential travels of aircraft owned by convicted pedophile Jeffery Epstein. Gawker reported that flight logs show that Clinton, among others, traveled through Africa in 2002 on a jet with 'an actress in softcore porn movies whose name appears in Epstein's address book under an entry for 'massages.' Chauntae Davies, the actress, declined to discuss why she was on the flight. Clinton has not commented."
Bill, thank you for locking up the pedophile and pornographer vote for me. These criminals and degenerates are valued members of the beautiful mosaic that is the Democratic Party base.
Bill, I love you and you are a disgrace to the legal profession. From the Associated Press in The New York Times:
Clinton Disbarred From Practice Before Supreme Court
Published: October 1, 2001
WASHINGTON TON (AP) -- The Supreme Court ordered former President Clinton disbarred from practicing law before the high court on Monday and gave him 40 days to contest the order.
The court did not explain its reasons, but Supreme Court disbarment often follows disbarment in lower courts.
In April, Clinton's Arkansas law license was suspended for five years and he paid a $25,000 fine. The original disbarment lawsuit was brought by a committee of the Arkansas Supreme Court.
Bill, this was an outrage. Because of your stalker Monica Lewinsky. That woman took advantage of your kindness, generosity and willingness to mentor young people who plan to pursue a career in politics and public service. Every American understands that woman was a narcissistic looneytune.
"Ms. Lewinsky testified that during this bathroom encounter, she and the President kissed, and he touched her bare breasts with his hands and his mouth. The President 'was talking about performing oral sex on me,' according to Ms. Lewinsky. But she stopped him because she was menstruating and he did not. Ms. Lewinsky did perform oral sex on him.
"Afterward, she and the President moved to the Oval Office and talked. According to Ms. Lewinsky: 'He was chewing on a cigar. And then he had the cigar in his hand and he was kind of looking at the cigar . . . sort of a naughty way. And so . . . I looked at the cigar and I looked at him and I said, we can do that, too, some time."
I hope that wasn't a Gurkha Black Dragon, Bill, while you were performing your Humbert Humbert. As each is $1,150 per cigar.
And, Bill, that conversation we started in the law library 45 years ago is still going strong. I am amazed at how you managed to dodge the draft and avoid honorable service during the Vietnam War. On December 3, 1969 you wrote Colonel Eugene Holmes of the Reserve Officer Training Corps at the University of Arkansas:
"First, I want to thank you, not just for saving me from the draft, but for being so kind and decent to me last summer . . . "
"One of my roommates is a draft resister who is possibly under indictment and may never be able to go home again. He is one of the bravest, best men I know. His country needs men like him more than they know. That he is considered a criminal is an obscenity."
"I am writing too in the hope that my telling this one story will help you to understand more clearly how so many fine people have come to find themselves still loving their country but loathing the military."
How beautiful, Bill. You are such a gutless coward. As you are not one of the 58,286 names on the obscenity that is the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, D.C. Why is this Wall on the National Mall? I join the mentally unstable Ross Perot in denouncing this concrete conflagration that honors war.
"In 1951, Kennedy began his Washington career in the Internal Security Section of the U.S. Department of Justice, which investigated suspected Soviet spies. Yes, he was what leftists today dismiss as a 'red baiter.' Soon thereafter, he served as counsel to Sen. Joe McCarthy. Yes, that Joe McCarthy.
"As attorney general, RFK provided written approval to J. Edgar Hoover for wiretapping the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. because of suspicions the civil rights hero was a Communist subversive."
My fellow Americans, I am named after Sir Edmund Hillary. The man who first conquered the summit of Mount Everest. From The New York Times:
Hillary, Not as in the Mount Everest Guy
By DANNY HAKIM OCT. 17, 2006
For more than a decade, one piece of Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton's informal biography has been that she was named for Sir Edmund Hillary, the conqueror of Mount Everest. The story was even recounted in Bill Clinton's autobiography.
But yesterday, Mrs. Clinton's campaign said she was not named for Sir Edmund after all.
"It was a sweet family story her mother shared to inspire greatness in her daughter, to great results I might add," said Jennifer Hanley, a spokeswoman for the campaign.
In May 1953, Sir Edmund and his Sherpa guide, Tenzing Norgay, became the first men to reach the summit of Mount Everest. In 1995, shortly after meeting Sir Edmund, Mrs. Clinton said that her mother, Dorothy Rodham, had long told her she was named for the famous mountaineer.
"It had two I's, which is how she thought she was supposed to spell Hillary," Mrs. Clinton said at the time, after meeting Sir Edmund. "So when I was born, she called me Hillary, and she always told me it's because of Sir Edmund Hillary."
"Even though Bill Clinton repeated the story in his 2004 autobiography, "My Life," Hillary Clinton did not mention it in her own autobiography, "Living History," which was published in 2003.
But one big hole has been poked in the story over the years, both in cyberspace and elsewhere: Sir Edmund became famous only after climbing Everest in 1953. Mrs. Clinton, as it happens, was born in 1947.
My fellow Americans, I am a liar. If I lie about how I was named, is there any subject off limits? I will lie about any subject at any time.
You want answers, Chris Chichester?!
I want the truth!
You. Can't. Handle. The. Truth!
My fellow Americans my top strategist is the former house Marxist for the Daily News Joel "You Know" Benenson. He'll be my White House chief of staff. As his communications skills are, you know, superior. You know. Joel how are the American people doing under President Obama?
"They're finding ways to make it work. Those things are still hardships, in some ways, you know, working two jobs, or working two shifts, or, you know, a dad taking the kids away on vacation while the mom stays home to work her second job because she can't get time off from it. You know, they're finding accommodations to make. I think they still worry about not having a little extra money if the roof leaks, you know, or, you know, you get a flat tire in the car. Things like that."
From The New York Times:
Memo Places Hillary Clinton At Core of Travel Office Case
By DAVID JOHNSTON
Published: January 5, 1996
WASHINGTON, Jan. 4 -- A memorandum by a former Presidential aide depicts Hillary Rodham Clinton as the central figure in the 1993 travel office dismissals, a politically damaging episode that the aide said had resulted from a climate of fear in which officials did not dare question Mrs. Clinton's wishes.
The newly released draft memorandum, written by David Watkins, the former top administrative aide at the White House, also sharply contradicts the White House's official account of Mrs. Clinton's as merely an interested observer in the events that led to the dismissal of the White House travel staff and their replacement with Clinton associates from Arkansas.
In the memorandum, apparently intended for Thomas F. McLarty, who was the White House chief of staff, Mr. Watkins wrote that "we both know that there would be hell to pay" if "we failed to take swift and decisive action in conformity with the First Lady's wishes."
Hell. To. Pay. Baby. From The First Enforcer. It reminds me of my favorite philosopher Niccolo Machiavelli in The Prince:
"Moreover men are less careful how they offend him who makes himself loved than him who makes himself feared. For love is held by the tie of obligation, which, because men are a sorry breed, is broken on every whisper of private interest; but fear is bound by the apprehension of punishment which never relaxes its grasp."
My fellow Americans, it ain't the way I wanted it! I can handle things! I'm smart! Not like everybody says. Like dumb. I'm smart and I want respect!
My fellow Americans, tonight I announce that the vast right-wing conspiracy is alive and well. My White House Chief of Staff Barbra Streisand will monitor this clear and present danger to America.
My fellow Americans as Secretary of State I was confronted by the terrorist threat on a daily basis. That is why I recommended Procol Harum in Nigeria be designated a terrorist organization.
My fellow Americans, I announce that I am now not embarked on a fraudulent "listening tour" to hear your concerns. Such as in my first U.S. Senate campaign. I have no time to listen to you. You're going to listen to me and you are going to like it. You got it?
My fellow Americans, I urge you to make the impeached, disbarred, disgraced former president of the United States the nation's first First Gentleman. But he's no gentleman. Because of That Woman. From January 26, 1998:
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman: Miss Lewinsky."
My fellow Americans, I do not eat pizza and KFC with a knife and a fork. Like a certain chapter 11 Republican presidential candidate.
My fellow Americans, I quote headquarters of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy. And — with geometric logic — I know someone stole my strawberries while I was reading this piece in National Review:
by CAROLINE BAUM & VICTOR NIERHOFFER June 1, 2016 12:00 AM
Is Hillary Clinton a better commodities trader than George Soros, or did she just get really, really lucky? Both explanations leave something to be desired.
Editor's note: A version of this article originally appeared in the February 20, 1995, issue of National Review.
When Newt Gingrich told a Republican audience recently that his lucrative book deal paled in comparison with Hillary Clinton's cattle-trading profits, the Speaker's comments were greeted with wild applause and raucous laughter. Opened to public scrutiny less than a year ago, Mrs. Clinton's one hundred-fold return from trading has already become part of popular lore. Whenever anyone is suspected of making a fast buck nowadays, the First Lady's adventure in commodities trading is bound to come to mind.
On October 11, 1978, the future First Lady, a neophyte investor with an annual income of $25,000, opened a commodity-futures account with a deposit of $1,000. Her first trade was the short sale of ten live-cattle contracts at a price of 57.55 cents a pound: a commitment to deliver in December of that year 400,000 pounds of cattle with a market value of $230,200. One day later, she bought the contracts back at a price of 56.10 cents, just 0.15 cent above the low of the day, pocketing $5,300 for a return of 530 per cent.
Mrs. Clinton continued to be a net winner at the game. By the time she closed her trading account ten months later, she had racked up $99,541 in profits, a spectacular 10,000 per cent return on her initial investment of $1,000. Either Mrs. Clinton was a better trader than the legendary George Soros, whose best-ever annual return in thirty years of trading was 122 per cent, or she was led by an invisible hand.
During a press conference last April, the First Lady attributed her success to her advisor James Blair's "theory that because of the economy in the early part of the 1970s, a lot of cattle herds had been liquidated, so that there was going to be a big opportunity to make money in the late Seventies." After examining Mrs. Clinton's trading records, Leo Melamed, the father of financial futures and former chairman of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange, and Jack Sandner, the Merc's current chairman, found nothing irregular except, on occasion, insufficient margin in her account. Anyone could have done as well, these gentlemen said, given the doubling of cattle prices during her year of trading. Mr. Melamed called the brouhaha over the First Lady's financial affairs "a tempest in a teapot." Mr. Sandner attributed her success to her "trading the biggest bull market in the history of cattle. If someone caught that trend and traded it well, they could make an extraordinary amount of money, a lot more than $100,000, on a small investment."
Yet, Mrs. Clinton bucked the trend and traded it well. Most of her trades including her first two, her last two, and her single most profitable trade (in dollar terms) were initiated from the short side, anticipating a decline in cattle prices. Short selling by the public is extremely rare, especially on a first trade. When one considers that both the investor and her trading advisor were using a herd-reduction theory to capitalize on the biggest bull market in cattle in history, the success of her short sales raises a bright red flag.
My fellow Americans, Gordon Gekko is my screen idol. I am Gordon Gekko.
My fellow Americans, my name is Hillary Rodham Clinton. But I dropped the "Rodham" in a pathetic attempt to convince Americans and New Yorkers that I am not a Ms. extremist engaged in bra—burning with Gloria Steinhem [yes, I understand the apocryphal background of bra—burning, feminists.] Ms. is for the Schwarzenegger Sisters.
My fellow Americans I sent classified information over a non-secured server from my carpetbagger home in Chappaqua, New York.
My fellow Americans I will raise your taxes by $1.2 trillion over ten years. According to Chris Wallace on Fox News Sunday.
My fellow Americans you will never hear me say these five words to President Barack Obama: You Had Me At Hello.
My fellow Americans I quote Ann Coulter from her August 3, 2016 column:
"Khizr Khan, the Muslim 'Gold Star Father' who harangued Americans at the Democratic National Convention, with a mute, hijab-wearing wife at his side, is just another in a long string of human shields liberals send out to defend their heinous policies. The 'Jersey Girls' were the classic example, first described in the magnificent book Godless: The Church of Liberalism.
"In order to shut down a debate they're losing, Democrats find victims to make their arguments for them, pre-empting counter-argument by droning on about the suffering of their victim-spokesperson. Alternative opinions must be preceded by proof that the speaker has 'sacrificed' more than someone who lost a who lost a child, a husband, or whatever.
"Khan's argument, delivered angrily and in a thick Pakistani accent at the DNC, is that 'our' Constitution requires us to continue the nonstop importation of Muslims.
"If the U.S. Constitution required us to admit more than 100,000 Muslims a year -- as we do -- we'd already be living in Pakistan, and Khan wouldn't have had to move to get that nice feeling of home. So the 'argument' part of Khan's point is gibberish.
"Luckily, Khan had Part Two: His son died in Iraq, whereas Donald Trump does not have a son who died in Iraq, so he can't say anything.
"Yes, a candidate for president of the United States is supposed to be prohibited from discussing a dangerous immigration program because Khan's son was one of fourteen (14!) Muslim servicemen killed by other Muslims in our wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. That's why we're obligated to import yet more Muslims -- including, undoubtedly, some just like the ones who killed his son. Q.E.D.!"
My fellow Americans my campaign is Being There starring Hillary Clinton. Why do you ask? Because my language is the beauty of simplistic incoherence. You know, you know, you know, you know, you know.
My fellow Americans I highly recommend The Catcher in the Rye as it is an indictment of phonies. Like me.
HRC: 'Shame on you, Barack Obama'
By Kenneth P. Vogel 02/23/08 01:32 PM EST
CINCINNATI — Hillary Rodham Clinton ripped Barack Obama Saturday for mailings his campaign is sending to Ohio voters that Clinton said distorted her record on NAFTA and universal health care.
"Shame on you, Barack Obama," Clinton said angrily when talking to reporters after a rally in a technical college gym here. "It is time you ran a campaign consistent with your messages in public. That's what I expect from you," she said, calling on Obama to repudiate and stop the mailings, which she waved demonstratively.
"Meet me in Ohio. Let's have a debate about your tactics," she said, calling the mailings "tactics that are right out of Karl Rove's playbook."
Excuse me, Democrats, is there a worse personal attack that compares a presidential candidate of your party to The Architect Karl Rove? He is The Devil.
My fellow Americans, this land was made for you and me. What. A. Joke. This land was solely made for me and my disturbed personal ambition.
The young must know it; the old must know it. It must always sustain us, because the greatness comes not when things go always good for you, but the greatness comes and you are really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes, because only if you have been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain.
And so I say to you on this occasion, as we leave, we leave proud of the people who have stood by us and worked for us and served this country.
We want you to be proud of what you have done. We want you to continue to serve in government. If that is your wish. Always give your best. Never get discouraged. Never be petty. Always remember: Others may hate you, but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself.