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On The Lunatic Fringe

by Chris Chichester on 08/09/17

Shah Law Firm
Attn: Neeraj Shah
2041 Penfield Road 
Penfield, New York
I have lived at 26 Sanders Farm Drive for five years. For five years I have walked my shih tzu behind my house. It has been a routine daily event. Until now. And you understand precisely the facts that surround this disgraceful situation created by your employee and your pathetic decisions. You are utterly ignorant about common decency. In fact, you possess zero common decency.
As I was returning to my residence yesterday your female employee began screaming at me from the window of Shah Law Firm. This undisciplined and hysterical woman did not possess the civility to simply exit your business and address me directly. I did not understand her language. Given the fact that when there is incoherent screaming from an individual at a distance no understanding is possible. This is your unstable employee and she requires long-term psychiatric care and counseling. You do, as well.
Approximately 30 minutes later two Monroe County Sheriff's Deputies knock on my door. Next to their vehicle is the animal control vehicle. These deputies demanded I relinquish my dog using belligerent, unprofessional rhetoric. I refused -- and informed both that they'd have to kill me to take my dog from me. A dog nobody wanted when I adopted him from Lollypop Farm Humane Society in 2011. The deputies departed. My neighbor is a witness to this confrontation and he was sickened and alarmed by this official response from the government.
I immediately called the Sheriff's Office and spoke to the officer with supervisory responsibility over these officers. He assured me they would not return and that it is a terrible situation that should have been avoided with simple communication from the accusatory party. That is YOU, Neeraj Shah. Your character is bankrupt because you fail to recognize the value of communication and conversation. In the United States of America we don't waste the resources of the police and exploit the power of the police without a first attempt at communication. All you had to do was knock on my door. Do you get it?
I will explain the United States of America to you.
In the United States of America, we believe in freedom. In the United States of America we believe the police power is appropriately deployed against criminals posing a threat to innocent Americans -- murderers, terrorists, rapists, arsonists, kidnappers, drunk drivers and other felony-level degenerates. In the United States of America we believe in the rights granted to us by God in the U.S. Constitution. I've seen this document up-close in my former place of employment as a U.S. House and U.S. Senate staffer on Capitol Hill. I advise you to read the U.S. Constitution and I am confident your feeble mind will utterly fail to understand its perfect explication of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
I also direct you to read the work of the brilliant political scientist James Q. Wilson to properly appreciate the police power and criminal behavior. He is the foremost proponent of the "broken windows" theory of criminal behavior. You have no ability to recognize criminal behavior.
I have never been arrested, charged, convicted of a single crime in my entire 52 years. Yet I found myself in a direct confrontation with two Monroe County's Sheriff's deputies because you are an ignorant, unstable dunce incapable of communication. You are an appalling representation of government force and a disgusting excuse for a human being.
Tell me: What is on this property behind my house that defines it as pristine example of nature? It is a collection of weeds, bushes and rocks that slopes downward to the point where a major excavation is required to build any structure upon it. It is a wasteland. No one will ever mistake it for Augusta National Golf Club. Incidentally, Augusta National is where my fellow Americans and I watch The Masters every year.
You must dedicate yourself to the aforementioned common decency and attempt to develop a character that defines the good heart. I am absolutely positive you will fail to achieve such a sterling level of personal comportment given your contemptible, miserable existence.

Chris Chichester
Founder: Empire Page
Penfield, New York

TEXT: President Donald Trump Addresses 2017 Girl Scout Jamboree

by Chris Chichester on 07/29/17

Thank you for such a great introduction Girl Scouts of America Chief Executive Officer Sylvia Acevedo and chairwoman of the National Board of Directors Kathy Hopinkah Hannan.  I am honored to address your 2017 Jamboree as the 45th president of the United States.  

Before I revise and extend my remarks I now order my Director of the United States Secret Service Joseph Clancy to investigate Ms. Acevedo to determine if she is in the country legally.  Can you contact ICE for me, Joe, and file a complete report so I can decide if Miss Acevedo is working in concert with those rapists bringing drugs and bringing crime?  Place it on my Oval Office desk tomorrow morning, or, you're fired. Like Gene Simmons. 

I want you great girls to understand in our great country that you can achieve any great goal.  The great goals you set in the Girl Scouts of America are greatly attainable.  There is nothing and no one blocking your great ascent.  For example, I know that each and every one of you here today aspires to be a contestant in the great Miss Universe Pageant, which I owned from 1995 to 2015.   In 2005 I told permanent adolescent Howard Stern that I stalked my own pageant like a 13-year-old. I'd:  

" . . . go backstage and everyone's getting dressed, and everything else, and, you know, no men are anywhere, and I'm allowed to go in because I'm the owner of the pageant and, therefore, I'm inspecting it . . . You know, the dresses. 'Is everyone o.k.?' You know, they're standing there with no clothes. 'Is everybody o.k.?' And you see these incredible looking women, and so, I sort of get away with things like that. But no, I've been very good." 

I quote Miss North Carolina Samantha Holvey: 

"He would step in front of each girl and look you over from head-to-toe like we were just meat. We were just sexual objects, that we were not people." 

From "A Timeline of Donald Trump's Creepiness While He Owned Miss Universe" by Tessa Stuart in Rolling Stone on October 12, 2016: 

"When he bought the Miss Universe pageant family, Trump told Stern in 2005 the pageant was 'a sick puppy.' The relative hotness of contestants had seriously deteriorated in preceding years, he explained to Stern, because the judges had begun placing a greater emphasis on brains over beauty.  'They had a person that was extremely proud that a large number of the women had become doctors,' Trump said.  'And I wasn't interested.'"

What type of self-centered, self-absorbed woman aspires to become a doctor when she can fulfill her every dream as a Blackjack dealer at my Trump Marina Hotel Casino?  In fact, I am such a brilliant business executive that I have presided over multiple casino Chapter 11 filings such as The Trump Plaza Hotel and Casino and The Trump Taj Mahal.  How is it possible to bankrupt a casino given The House Advantage?  What type of Enron dunce fails to profit from running an enterprise with the mafia as corporate security? 

According to Business Insider: 

"Most games in the casino have a house advantage of somewhere between 0% and 5% with slot machines coming in with a 10% house advantage and Keno figuring in at a whopping 27% house advantage."

From "Trump Bankruptcy Math Doesn't Add Up" by Tom Winter at NBC News on June 24, 2016:

Over the course of 18 years, Trump's companies went into reorganization six times -- five times in New Jersey, where he had casino holdings, and once in New York: 

* Trump Taj Mahal Associates, Atlantic City casino -- 1991
* Trump Castle Hotel & Casino, Atlantic City casino -- 1992
* Trump Plaza Associates, Atlantic City casino -- 1992
* Plaza Operating Partners, Manhattan hotel -- 1992
* Trump Casino Holdings, Atlantic City casinos -- 2004
* Trump Entertainment Resorts, Atlantic City casinos -- 2009

"It would be six separate bankruptcies," said bankruptcy lawyer Ted Connnolly, author of "The Road Out of Debt: Bankruptcy and Other Solutions To Your Financial Problems."

From "How Donald Trump Made Millions Off His Biggest Business Failure" by Shawn Tully in Fortune on March 10, 2016: 

"From mid-1995 to early 2009, Trump served as chairman of Trump Hotels and Casino Resorts (renamed Trump Entertainment Resorts in 2004), and held the CEO title for five years (mid-2000 to mid-2005). During Trump's 13 years as chairman, the casino empire lost a total of $1.1 billion, twice declared bankruptcy, and wrote down or restricted $1.8 billion in debt."

Given my pathetic and corrupt business history I am not Jeff Bezos. But if I wanted to read an Amazon book I'd select Confessions of an Heiress: A Tongue-in-Chic Peek Behind the Pose by Paris Hilton.

I've known Paris since the time she was 12.  Her parents are friends of mine, and, you know, the first time I saw her she walked into the room and I said: Who the hell is that? Well, at 12 I wasn't interested  I've never been into that. I await your praise in this announcement that I am not a pedophile. 

Excuse me, I must speak with my great friend Christopher Chichester .

Christopher Chichester: My credit good enough to buy you out?
[Governor Andrew Cuomo laughs nervously]
Donald Trump: Buy me out? 
Christopher Chichester: The casino, the hotel, the Chichester Family wants to buy you out. 
Donald Trump: The Chichester Family wants to buy me out. No. I buy you out. You don't buy me out.  
Christopher Chichester: Your casino loses money. Maybe we can do better.
Donald Trump: You think I'm skimming off the top, Chris?
Christopher Chichester: You're unlucky.
Donald Trump:  You God damn guineas really make me laugh. I do you a favor and take Andrew in when you're having a bad time and then you try to push me out.
Christopher Chichester: You took Andrew in because the Chichester Family bankrolled your casino because the Molinari Family in Staten Island guaranteed his safety. Now, we're talkin' business, let's talk business. 
Donald Trump: Yeah, let's talk business, Chris. First of all, you're all done.  The Chichester Family don't even have that kind of muscle any more.  The Godfather is sick. Right? You're getting chased out of New York by Percoco and the other families.  What do you think is going on here? You think you can come to my hotel and take over? I talked to Percoco.  I can make a deal with him and still keep my hotel.
Christopher Chichester: Is that why you slapped my brother around in public?
Governor Andrew Cuomo: Oh, now, that, that, that was nothing, Chris. Now, now, uh, Donald didn't mean nothing by that.  Sure he flies off the handle once in a while. But Donald and me are good friends. Right, Donald? Huh?
Donald Trump: I got a business to run. I got to kick asses sometimes to make it run right. We had a little argument Andrew and I.  So I had to straighten him out. 
Christopher Chichester: You straightened my brother out?
Donald Trump: He was banging cocktail waitresses two at a time at Turning Stone. Players couldn't get a drink at the table. What's wrong with you?
Christopher Chichester: I leave for New York tomorrow. Think about a price. 
Donald Trump: Do you know who I am? I'm Donald Trump! I made my bones when you were going out with cheerleaders!

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe in order to ensure the survival and success of the Miss Universe Pageant. Because I am a thrice-married aging pervert.   This must we pledge — and more. 

Girls, today I want you to understand and accept and appreciate that one day you can grow up to sleep with a billionaire.  Or a phony billionaire. Oftentimes when I was sleeping with one of the top women in the world I would say to myself, thinking about me as a boy from Queens, 'Can you believe what I am getting?'  I. Don't. Care. I. Love. It. 

A. Boy. From. Queens.  I lived in a mansion with Big Daddy.  I do note that my great friend Chris Chichester is The Real Boy From Queens because he was born at Booth Memorial Hospital in Flushing on July 4, 1965.  

Incidentally, Chris, do you know who is one of the great beauties of the world, according to EVERYBODY?   And I helped create her. Ivanka. My daughter, Ivanka. She's six feet tall. She's got the best body.  She made a lot of money as a model -- a tremendous amount.  If Ivanka wasn't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her. 

Chris, I know your sister Barbara earned a B.S. in Mathematics from Towson State University and an M.S. in Information Systems from the University of Maryland.  I want Barbara to know that our great African-American president hasn't exactly had a positive impact on the thugs who are happily and openly destroying Baltimore.  Did Barbara vote for him?  If so, I am sending ICE to Howard County, Maryland to investigate if Barbara is in the country illegally.  The last name "Chichester" sounds suspiciously Mexican. 

Incidentally,  the best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics! 
Girls, today I announce that I've never had any trouble in bed. How can I prove it to you today? From my 1990 best-selling Pulitzer Prize-winning masterpiece Surviving at the Top

"I've never had any trouble in bed." 

This is why all of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me.  Consciously or unconsciously.  I'd like to quote myself from New York in 1990 about the best way to keep women happy: "You have to treat 'em like shit."

Such romantic and seductive language is how my bank account won over the heart of 1983 Miss Resaca Beach Poster Girl, 1985 Miss Hawaiian Tropic and "Screaming Woman" in Stephen King's Maximum Overdrive: Marla Maples.  Marla was a young and beautiful piece of ass.  It really doesn't matter what they write as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass.  

But not every one of you here today will grow up to become a young and beautiful piece of ass.  That's reality.   I understand reality because I played a fake executive on television.  There's nothing I love more than women, but they're really a lot different than portrayed.  They are far worse than men, far more aggressive. Like that big mouth Kirsten Gillibrand.   If she was on The Apprentice she'd have flirted with me.  

Is any one here from the New York Post? Rupert Murdoch's rag has been very, very, very unfair to me for decades.  If my FBI Director reports a headless body in a topless bar in Queens that is why we must Bring Back The Death Penalty, Bring Back Our Police.  To execute the wrongly accused, tried and convicted.  Such as the Central Park Five. 

In 1990 the Post front-page headline was: The Best Sex I Ever Had.   I'm sick and tired of the manner and form in which this irresponsible tabloid covers public figures.  That headline was leaked by John Miller and I categorically deny it was the best sex I ever had. It was the second best sex I ever had.  

Marla was crazy-in-love with me.  Even at the end of our marriage when she commented on my alleged affair with Carla Bruni: 

"I don't believe that the things he's supposed to be saying are true.  I'm in shock.  If so, than there's no trust in the world."

Excuse me, Marla, but you should have determined there's no trust in the world on the ski slopes of Aspen.  When I was cheating on my first disposable wife Ivana with you, baby cakes.   I was standing there like an idiot and Marla and Ivana were here, and there wasn't shouting but you could obviously see there was some friction.  And a man who was standing right next to me, who weighed about 350 pounds and wasn't a very attractive guy and said to me 'It could be worse, Donald, I've been in Aspen for 20 years and I've never had a date.'

I've got to use some Tic Tacs, just in case I start kissing my female White House staffers.  You know, I'm automatically attracted to beautiful -- I just start kissing them.  It's just like a magnet. Just kiss. I don't even wait.  And when you're a star, they let you do it. Grab them by the pussy.  You can do any thing. 

There are two publics as far as I'm concerned.  The real public and than there's the New York society horse shit.  The real public has always liked Donald Trump.  The real public feels that Donald Trump is going through Trump-bashing.  When I go out now, forget about it.  I'm mobbed. It's bedlam.  It's me talking in the third person. 

I must address the undeniable truth before I leave you today. In Birch Run, Michigan in 2015 I cited how I'm leading in the Hispanic vote and how I'm going to win the Hispanic vote.  I was also leading in the regular vote.  Those irregular Hispanics, however, voted for my opponent Hillary Clinton. From Pew Research Center on November 29, 2016: Hillary Clinton won 66% of Latino voters on Election Day, according to updated National Election Pool exit poll data, a level of Democratic support similar to 2008, when 67% of Hispanics backed Barack Obama. 

I won the regular Electoral College with 306 votes.  That's because I had a great relationship with the blacks.  I've always had a great relationship with the blacks.   A well-educated black has a tremendous advantage over a well-educated white in terms of the job market.   If I were starting off today, I would love to be a well-educated black, because I do believe they have an actual advantage in 1989. Like Willie Horton. 

It must come as no surprise that I attained victory on Election Day.  If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can satisfy America?  When I'm Watchin' My TV / And A Man Comes On To Tell Me / How White My Shirts Can Be / Well He Can't Be A Man Because He Doesn't Smoke / The Same Cigarettes As Me / I Can't Get  No / Hey Hey Hey / That's What I Say / I Can't Get No Satisfaction

I should have included this Lincolnesque I Can't Get No Satisfaction language in my Inaugural Address.  To establish what I expect from the U.S. House and U.S. Senate. 

With the exception of the late, great Abraham Lincoln, I can be more presidential than any president that's ever held this office.  Now here's what I do. I ask whether or not you someday think I will be on Mount Rushmore. But here's the problem, if I did it joking, totally joking, having fun, the fake news media will say 'he believes he should be on Mount Rushmore.' So I won't say it. Okay?

Girl Scouts of America I leave you with the following advice: Putting a wife to work is a very dangerous thing.    When you meet and marry Mr. Right I want you to follow the advice I provided on The Oprah Winfrey Show in 1988 about my then-wife Ivana: 

"We should have world record setting fights. But we really do.  We get along very well and there's not a lot of disagreement because ultimately Ivana does exactly as I tell her to do."


Freedom Lies In Being Bold — Robert Frost 

The Pawn Of Queens: On Senator Tony Avella

by Chris Chichester on 07/28/17

"I still call myself a communist.  Because communism is no more what Russia made of it than Christianity is what the churches make of it."  Pete SeegerThe New York Times Magazine, January 22, 1995


It is a disgraceful confession.  The Berlin Wall fell on November 9, 1989. Yet 5+ years later this unreconstructed communist Seeger is delusional. He is living in a permanent Nineteen Eighty-Four where 2 + 2 = 5.  Nineteen Eighty-Four is the most powerful explication of communist terror ever written.  Seeger is a proponent of such terror. 

Seeger is the appalling representation of a murderous ideology that forced the United States into confrontation with the Soviet Union that nearly resulted in the activation of the nuclear codes. He is a relic.  On January 18, 1962, President John F. Kennedy asked for Cold War clarification about his unilateral power to launch a nuclear strike: 

"Assuming the information from a closely guarded source causes me to conclude that the U.S. should launch an immediate nuclear strike against the Communist Bloc, does the JCS Emergency Actions File permit me to initiate such an attack without first consulting with the Secretary of Defense and/or the Joint Chiefs of Staff?"

The White House response to Soviet SS-4 and SS-5 surface-to-surface missiles in Cuba provoked the autocratic prison fortress of China to assert in its official propaganda organ People's Daily: "650,000,000 Chinese men and women were standing by the Cuban people."  This threatening language is from a country with 15,000,000+ famine deaths from 1959 to 1961.  

In the Soviet Union, China, Cuba and other communist interments the cult of personality is a constant, revolting presence.  Vladimir Lenin, Joseph Stalin, Mao Zedong, Fidel Castro and blood-stained Marxists are impaled upon monuments for posterity.  It is impossible to deny that reality.  

I introduce Senator Tony Avella of Whitestone, Queens. From "The Cuomo Bridge? Top Law Maker Has Idea For New Tappen Zee" in the Democrat & Chronicle by Jon Campbell on June 20: 

"Assemblywoman Ellen Jaffe, D-Suffern, Rockland County, sponsors a bill that would name it The Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt Bridge, while Queens Senator Tony Avella has suggested naming it for the late folk singer Pete Seeger."

What a joke. 

The bridge is today named after the late, distinguished former lieutenant governor and governor: Malcolm Wilson.  From "Former Gov. Malcolm Wilson, 86, Is Dead" in The New York Times by Wolfgang Saxon on March 24, 2000: 

"One of Mr. Wilson's worries as governor was the growing practice by local governments, particularly New York City, of financing local government expenses with a dubious array of fiscal gimmickry. At one point, he admonished, there must come the day of reckoning, as New York City soon learned when it came near financial collapse."

Wilson served as the 50th governor from December 18, 1973 to December 31, 1974 and lieutenant governor from January 1, 1959 to December 18, 1973. No lieutenant governor served longer.  Avella has announced his ignorance and indifference with a preposterous re-naming of the Tappen Zee for this communist stooge Seeger. 

From "Pete Seeger's All-American Communism" in The Atlantic by David A. Graham on January 29, 2014: 

"As late as the 1970's, in his column in the left-wing folk magazine Sing Out!,  Seeger was giving space to horrifying ideas.  Dealing with the case of Wolf Biermann, a socialist singer expelled from East Germany for dissidence, he gave space to correspondents arguing that there might appropriately be limits on what artists should say in an ideal Marxist regime.  In 1999, he accepted an award from Fidel Castro's regime."

From "Stalin's Songbird" in The Guardian by David Boaz on April 14, 2006: 

"The New Yorker has another of its affectionate profiles of old Stalinists, this time the folk singer Pete Seeger. A regular old American, they say, a guy who would stand by the side of the road at 85 holding up a sign reading simply 'Peace.'  A 'conservative' really, who 'believes ardently in the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.'  And over the years he sang for peace, and for civil rights, and for the workers. And he built his own house on a hilltop. What's not to like?"


"Somehow, though, they didn't quite find room to detail Seeger's long habit of following the Stalinist line. Take the best example, his twists and turns during the FDR administration. Seeger tells Wilkinson that when he was at Harvard during the late 1930s he was trying to 'stop Hitler" and he became disgusted with a professor who counseled appeasement.  Maybe so. But after the Hitler-Stalin pact, he and his group of Almanac Singers put out an album titled Songs of Joe Doe that called Franklin D. Roosevelt a warmongering lackey of JP Morgan."


"As the ex-communist scholar Ronald Radosh puts it. 'Seeger was antiwar during the period of the Nazi-Soviet Pact; pro-war after the Soviet Union was the ally of the United States; and anti-war during the years of the Cold War and Vietnam.'"


"Seeger is not the only aging Stalinist to get the misty-eyed treatment from elite journalists.  It's a staple of the New York Times and other eastern establishment journals: features on communist summer camps or communists old folks' comes or communist schools in Greenwich Village ('the Little Red School House for little Reds.'); profiles of aging but still feisty communist journalists; glowing obituaries of lifelong communists who 'championed civil liberties.'

"And it's an appalling double-standard.  Imagine a morally neutral affectionate profile of a nostalgic 80-year-old Nazi.  It doesn't happen, it wouldn't happen. We're still making movies about the crimes of Nazism, a totalitarian regime that lasted 12 years, while you can count on the fingers of one hand the Hollywood movies about the bloody 70-year rule of the Communist Party.  Alan Charles Kors, the editor of the Oxford Encyclopedia of the Enlightenment, wrote recently. 'We rehearse the crimes of Nazism almost daily, we teach them to our children as ultimate historical and moral lessons, and we bear witness to every victim.  We are, with so few exceptions, almost silent on the crimes of Communism.'"

From "The Gulag Archipelago" in The New York Times by Stephen F. Cohen on June 16, 1974: 

"Solzhenitsyn has recreated the history between 1918 and 1956 of 'that amazing country of Gulag, which though scattered in an archipelago geographically was, in the psychological sense, fused into a continent -- an almost invisible, almost imperceptible country inhabited by the zek people [prisoners] ' . . . Archipelago refers to the far-flung system of forced labor camps run and augmented by the secret police and its institutions, whose prisoner population grew from small numbers after the revolution of 1917 to 12 to 15 million (about half 'politicals') at any one time by the 1940's. Gulag is the acronym of the central office that administered the camps."

From "The Forgotten Millions" in The Atlantic by Jonathan Rauch in December, 2003: 

"Hoping to do better, in 1993 Congress and President Bill Clinton authorized the construction, on public land but with private funds, of a national memorial to honor the victims of communism.  The act cited 'the deaths of over 100,000,000 victims in an unprecedented imperial holocaust,' and resolved that 'the sacrifices of these victims should be permanently memorialized so that never again will nations and peoples allow so evil a tyranny to terrorize the world.'  The Victims of Communism Memorial Foundation than set out to raise $100 million, or a dollar per victim.  The U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum cost $168 million, so $100 seem reasonable."

100,000,000 million victims is certification for communism as the ideological pandemic of the 20th century.  The ideology is unrivaled in its totalitarian combination of atrocity, betrayal, fraud, deceit and government surveillance methods employed by agents of the state. It is The Evil Empire:


"Yes, let us pray for the salvation of all of those who live in that totalitarian darkness -- pray they will discover the joy of knowing God.  But until they do, let us be aware that while they preach the supremacy of the state, declare its omnipotence over individual man, and predict its eventual domination on all peoples of the earth, they are the focus of evil in the modern world." President Ronald Reagan, March 8, 1983, National Association of Evangelicals, Orlando, Florida 

Perhaps you, Tony, can use your sweeping historical knowledge and mental powers of persuasion to nominate an individual other than Seeger.  An individual who best represents your special methods of rumination and contemplation. Like Maximilien Robespierre. 

I am disgusted with the pathetic obsession to name public works after human beings, living or deceased.  It is a divisive and inessential exercise that drives news media attention toward the legacy of the proposed person.  No human being is universally admired and beloved. 

I make one exception for my Verrazzano-Narrows Bridge.  As Giovanni da Verrazzano never raised the top income tax to 15.35 percent, never signed a capital punishment bill, never purchased an Emperors Club VIP escort, never told state legislators they clap like monkeys, never secured $100,000 from taxpayers to build a "skateboard park" in Albany, never allocated $125,000 to an "educational oyster garden" in Queens, never schemed "Of Counsel" for Weitz & Luxenberg, and never joined the largest statewide database of public officials convicted of corruption from 1976 to 2010: 2,522.

And never met Tony Avella. From Avella's ludicrous, towel-snapping official biography: 

"Tony also led the citywide fight against overdevelopment [sic], the proliferation of McMansions, and other major abuses of the City's building and zoning codes.  In an effort to preserve the unique residential character and quality of life in neighborhoods throughout the City, Tony helped created new zoning districts such as R2A, which prevents the constructions of McMansions."


It is a obnoxious and offensive concoction dispatched by a leftist dunce to demean homes bought by the upwardly-mobile and successful. This faux Frank Lloyd Wright of Whitestone believes he's the architectural arbiter of every neighborhood in Queens.  It's his self-appointed role, and is that reality acceptable my fellow New Yorkers?  Do you condone his preening elitism?  Is Senator Avella of Architectural Digest qualified to appraise your home?

Avella is chairman of the do-nothing Senate Children and Families Committee. This committee must be abolished.  It is pathetic pandering.  It is a waste of limited taxpayer dollars.  It does nothing to advance critical legislation through the Senate such as comprehensive reform to our Stakhanovite tax laws and Maoist state economy. 

"The children" are a convenient excuse for why tax dollars are constantly extracted from our paychecks.  "The children" are political pawns easily manipulated by our 200+ all stars in the state legislature/massage parlor at State Street and Washington Avenue.  "The children" are emotional blackmail for parents and guardians gullible for lies.  I ask:  Do "The children" have adult supervision in the Empire State?  

More from Avella's site: 

"In early 2014, Tony joined the Independent Democratic Conference, a coalition of five Democratic Senators focused on bipartisanship and efficiency in the Senate."

I am shocked at the delusional deep space this man inhabits in Albany.  The Independent Democratic Conference is a collection of narcissists dedicated to chaos and polarization the opposite of efficiency.  For the rage these bald opportunists generate on the Left see: "Independent Democratic Conference: Traitors In The NY State Senate" at Daily Kos by Joe Blakely on March 27, 2017. 

I want YOU Tony to investigate your fellow IDC member Senator Jeff Klein.  From "Dem Lawmaker Spent 40K of Campaign Funds on Food" in the New York Post by Kirstan Conley on July 20, 2017: 

"State Sen. Jeff Klein, who heads the Independent Democratic Conference, spent $144,071 from his campaign account over the last 6 months — and $40,000 went for food.

"Klein charged equally for the big – like a $27,743 tab at the steakhouse in Yankee Stadium for a fundraiser – and the small, including $4.41 at Dunkin' Donuts for a 'breakfast meeting.'

"The slim and trim Klein spent $848.48 at the Savoy restaurant in Albany, listed as a 'conference dinner.'”


TO: Common Cause, NYPIRG, League of Women Voters

FROM: Chris Chichester

Where are you with a sanctimonious lecture for Senator Klein? Where is the news conference to denounce him?  Where are the Pecksniffian platitudes about ethics-in-government?  Do your jobs. I especially want to examine the itemization of that $27,743 Yankee Stadium tab and how much is spent on alcohol. 

More from Avella's site

"The ever-increasing costs for everything from gasoline prices to property tax increases to the cost of medical care and prescription medications are making it virtually impossible for many people to financially survive."

What. A. Lie.  This man is in hysterics.  It is called the cost-of-living, Tony. 

Excuse me, Tony but I want you to under— , Excuse me?  What? Did I hear you correctly?  Can you repeat that language for 2Pacalypse Chichester?  Steve Rubell has denied me entry into Studio 54 tonight? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM, STEVE? I'm Chris Chichester!  I'm the founder of The Empire Page! I made my bones when you were going out with cheerleaders!

I digress. 

From "Senator Avella Calls Mayor, DOT Phonies on Speed Cameras" at his official site on March 22, 2017: 

"If the Mayor was actually interested in reducing speeding near schools, why has he and DOT refused to erect proper signage alerting drivers to the presence of a speed camera.   They have consistently refused my request to install signage that simply states 'Speed Camera Ahead.' If you really want motorists to slow down by schools, then why not erect this signage. The answer is clear -- the Mayor wants the revenue and could care less about actually reducing speeding.  The City should be encouraging safer driving and deterring speeding beforehand, not trying to trap someone after they've already put everyone else in danger."

Can you believe this character? He objects to the latest technology that detects and punishes law-breaking drivers in a school zone.  In favor of signage with the toothless warning: "Speed Camera Ahead."  The reason why this signage is not placed in a school zone, Tony, is simple. It is not a deterrent.  But a camera will certainly deter the driver from exceeding the speed limit as it empowers law enforcement with an official record.  Why can't your big brain process that reality? 

Senator Avella features a NEW YORK STATE SENATE VETERANS' HALL OF FAME on his site.  To shamelessly ingratiate himself with the veterans of his 11th Senate District.   I am a veteran: 2nd Squadron, 17th Cavalry, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Ft. Campbell, Kentucky.  I don't require a single elected official to ever once cite or praise my service. I am one of 21.8 million.  We are not your political props, Tony. 
Senator Avella presides over an official site defined by incompetence, buffoonery and narcissism. I want to see a picture of this Queens Unisphere behind his desk at Legislative Office Building 902 wearing his Order of Lenin decoration.  

More from Avella's biography as hallucinogen: 

"Instead Tony took his message of change and reform city-wide, in a campaign for New York City mayor. An underdog in the race, Tony ran on his populist reputation as New York City's fiercest reform politician."

On September 26, 2009 New York City's fiercest reform politician received: 21.1%. 

William C. Thompson, Jr.: 234,897 votes for 71.0%
Tony Avella: 69,774 votes for 21.1%

I want you, Tony, to completely understand the consequences of The Gaffe.  As your official site is defined by The Ludicrous.  The Ridiculous.  The Disastrous.  The next time you speak on the floor of the Senate can you please say one of the following covfefe

"Have you ever lived in the suburbs? I haven't. But I've talked to people who have, and it's sterile, it's wasting your life. And people do not wish to waste their lives after they've seen New York." Ed Koch, The Washington Post on February 25, 1982

"As opposed to wasting time in a car? Or out in the country, wasting your time in a pick-up truck? [laughs] When you have to drive 20 miles to buy a gingham dress or [laughs louder] a Sears Roebuck suit? [cracks up] This rural American thing -- I'm telling you it's a joke." —  Ed Koch, The Washington Post, February 25, 1982


"The country? Rural America? That is a joke . . . Rural America doesn't even exist any more. Not even the farms.  Let's leave out rural America with the cows." Ed Koch, The Washington Post, February 25, 1982


"Talk to me like that again I'm going to smash your fucking head in. Guys like you aren't fit to shine my shoes." Adam Skelos, offspring of Big Daddy Dean Skelos


"There is no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe and there never will be under a Ford administration." — President Gerald Ford 


"I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times." —  President Jimmy Carter


"I don't care if people say: 'fuck.'" — President Jimmy Carter


"This you can do. We can all do. That's easy. Monkeys do that." — Governor Mario Cuomo, State of the State, January 7, 1993


"Organized crime is not all Italian." Governor Mario Cuomo, December 17, 1985


"Who are they? Are they these extreme conservatives, who are right-to-life, pro-assault weapon, anti-gay? Is that who they are?  Because if that is who they are, and if they are the extreme conservatives, they have no place in the state of New York. Because that is not who New Yorkers are." Governor Andrew Cuomo, January 21, 2014


"We came out of The White House not only dead broke but in debt.  We had no money when we got there, and we struggled to, YOU KNOW, piece together the resources for mortgages, for houses, for Chelsea's education. YOU KNOW, it was not easy. . . . First of all we had to pay off all our debts, which was, YOU KNOW, he had to make double the money." Hillary Clinton [DYOU KNOW]


"I represented New York on 9/11 when we were attacked.  Where were we attacked? In downtown Manhattan, where Wall Street is.  I did spend a whole lot of time and effort helping them rebuild. That was good for New York.  It was good for the economy, and it was a way to rebuke the terrorists who had attacked our country." Hillary Clinton 


"It's Tricky / To Rock A Rhyme That's Right On Time / It's Tricky." Run DMC, It's Tricky, Snowfall


"One thousand percent." —  Senator George McGovern on his support Senator Thomas Eagleton [The duration of the Eagleton vice presidential  candidacy: 18 days]


"Follow me around.  I don't care.  I'm serious. If anyone wants to put a tail on me, go ahead. They'll be very bored." — Senator Gary Hart


"Honey, whatever women do, they do best after dark." Mayor John Lindsay


"Folks, I can tell you I've known eight presidents. Three of them intimately." — Vice President Joseph Biden


"When I came back from Vietnam I'd just had the greatest brainwashing that anybody can get." — Governor George W. Romney 


"I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it." — Senator John Kerry


"Not only are we going to New Hampshire, Tom Harkin, we're going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico and we're going to California and Texas and New York.  And we're going to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan and than we're going to Washington, D.C. to take back The White House!  Hee-YAAHHHHH." — Howard Dean


"I moved on her like a bitch. But I couldn't get there." — Donald Trump


"All Right / Stop / Collaborate And Listen / Ice Is Back With My Brand New Invention / Something Grabs A Hold Of Me Tightly / Then I Flow Like A Harpoon Daily And Nightly." Rob Van Winkle AKA Vanilla Ice, Ice Ice Baby 


"Supergirl is on TV.  I saw that when I was working out this morning. She looked pretty hot." — Governor Jeb Bush


"When the president does it, that means it's not illegal." — President Richard


"This is my maiden voyage. My first speech since I was president of the United States.  And I couldn't think of a better place to give it than Calgary, Canada." — President George W. Bush


"Isn't that something." — President George H.W. Bush on a supermarket scanner


"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." — Mayor David Dinkins


"I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her." — Julia Roberts, Notting Hill


"Yes! God damn it! Yes! That is why I did it! I'm number five! Are you kidding me? Who do you think you are? I am! Damn it! Right!" — Professional bowler Pete Webber after a strike


"His very first move as executive was to sign Lamar Odom . . . WHO WAS ON CRACK." — Stephen A. Smith, First Take, ESPN, on Phil Jackson as president of basketball operations for the New York Knicks


"What the fuck does it mean that we're elected officials? It don't mean shit."  Assemblyman Anthony Seminerio

I recommend the perfect new career for you Tony: Golf.  As you must be on the Douglaston Golf Course in the borough of my birth, activate your glutes and hit a snap hook into a tree on number 8.  Why, golf? 

"Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five." — John Updike 

I am exhausted by incompetents in Albany. It is impossible to ignore and dismiss these men and women inhabiting our Capitol for six months every year. I propose we place a Red X on the forehead of every state legislator to empower the public with the ability to easily identify Members of the Assembly and Senate. The first forehead I nominate belongs to Senator Avella. 

Now I must return to my evening activity.  It is always fulfilling. It is always entertaining.  I came to live out loud and I am thankful for why I am an extreme conservative who claps like a monkey, dates Supergirl and lives in this beautiful upstate New York Town of Penfield. With the cows. 


Freedom Lies In Being Bold —Robert Frost 

On The Disgraceful Behavior Of Wegman's Employees

by Chris Chichester on 07/01/17

Wegmans Food Markets, Inc. 
100 Wegmans Market Street
Rochester, NY 14624

Danny Wegman
Chief Executive Officer

James Leo
Chief Financial Officer 

Colleen Wegman
Chief Operating Officer 

My name is Chris Chichester. I've purchased my groceries and household items at the Wegmans located on 2157 Penfield Road twice-a-week for five years. 

On Thanksgiving Day, November 24, 2016 I am a customer in this Wegmans four times throughout the day.  The fourth time I checked out is 3:30 p.m. I specifically asked the cashier: What time does Wegmans close today?  She replied: 4:00 p.m.   I asked that question as I realized I still required light bulbs and laundry detergent. 

At 3:54 p.m. on this Thanksgiving Day I walk through the parking lot toward the entrance of this Penfield Road Wegmans. Two employees are standing in front of the automatic doors.  One is a male wearing a white smock and that is certainly not the uniform of a security officer.  The other employee is a young female and she is definitely not a security officer given her slovenly and undisciplined personal appearance. 

As I am about to walk into the Wegmans the male said to me: "We are closed."  I looked at my watch and replied: "It's 3:54 p.m. and I specifically asked the cashier what time does Wegmans close today?  She told me 4:00 p.m."  He says nothing to me. He stares at me. He is a blank slate. The automatic door is open.  I walk to his left and as I am about to walk into the Wegman's the female throws herself at me physically and blocks my ability to enter the Wegmans.  This is a violent collision initiated by your ignorant employee.  And it qualifies as simple assault.  I have not yet decided if I will report this crime to local law enforcement. 

I am shocked at the behavior of this hysterical young female employee.  I was forced to summon every once of self-control and will-power to not retaliate against her violence with violence of my own.  I am a veteran and that action upon your employee is quite easily taken. 

I do not yet know the names of these two incompetent, ignorant, unstable and grossly lazy employees.  But that information is easy to determine the next time I go to Wegmans, which is today.   

I ask: 1) Is it the corporate policy of Wegmans to close a store five minutes before the actual closing time? 2) Does Wegmans condone the decision by two employees to designate as security officers?  3)  Is this appalling self-appointment a violation of a Wegmans policy that governs employee behavior?  4) What is the appropriate disciplinary action required for these bankrupt employees? 5)  Do you pardon the violence herein described by your young female employee?   6) Do you approve of a food service employee who creates a new line of responsibility for himself?  7) Are you aware of the repercussions when an employee with zero experience in security is suddenly a security agent in your store? 

The employment of these two out-of-control Wegmans employees must be terminated.  Pathetic behavior is unacceptable and detrimental to the ability of Wegmans to serve its customers with the highest level of professionalism, decorum and civility.  Wegmans  is justifiably ranked No. 4 as the "100 Best Companies To Work For" by Fortune and the abnormal behavior of the employees I've described threatens that ranking.  Especially for an institution that was incorporated during The Great Depression in 1931. 

I am available to answer any questions about this disturbing incident.  

Thank you for your time and attention. 

Chris Chichester
26 Sanders Farm Drive
Penfield, New York 14528 
Founder: Empire Page
Proprietor: Excelsior Page

The response from Wegman's is immediate.  I was invited to the Wegman's for a meeting with the regional manager. He asked me to explain the story.  After the explanation he apologized for the behavior of the employees.  And he provided me with a $100 gift certificate.  

The Chris Chichester Police Misconduct Story [R-Rated Language]

by Chris Chichester on 06/27/17

In the first apartment Laura and I lived in we were on the second of two floors.  It was a nice place for us. 

The tenant on the first floor lived alone and he is afflicted with Tourette's Syndrome.   In the summertime with the windows open we'd hear the language from him given this syndrome. Constant profanity and lurid talk I won't describe except he especially liked to say "you bitch" a lot. 

This character would lose control in his apartment slamming the doors and generally creating a monstrous amount of noise. I permitted the anti-social behavior to continue for the first couple days.   One night Laura and I are on our couch talking and there is a noise so loud it was like an explosion. I go down and I bang on his door.  I tell him he better control himself and I don't want to hear a single sound like that again or we're going to the landlord.  He says nothing. 

The next night Laura and I are watching television.  I was allowing my long locks to free flow and I did not have my pony tail in its usual rubber tie.   There is a loud banging on our door.   I proceed to the door sans rubber tie and I look like Christopher Lloyd as Dr. Emmett Brown in Back to the Future.  I open the door and there are two police officers standing in front of me.   I said: What the hell do you want? This language is provocation enough to turn the police department into the postal service. 

One officer lunges toward me and grabs the front of my t-shirt. He pulls me into the hallway and slams me against the wall. I turn around and I get right in his face and I said: You just made the mistake of your life motherfucker. I dare you to put those hand cuffs on me. 

He was a young guy.  I wish I had a camera to capture the fear in his face after I said those words to him. His partner is standing behind him.  He was older.  So I say to the partner: Your partner just committed the crime of assault upon me and you're the witness.   This character says nothing.  They both turn to leave.   I followed and said: That's right. Leave my apartment you gutless motherfuckers.  You came out here and did nothing. Aren't you supposed to arrest me?  Go ahead and arrest me motherfuckers.  I dare you to arrest me.   

The next day I write about an 800-word complaint describing what happened and I e-mail it to every contact I can find at the Penfield Police Department.  And the response from these all-stars? Nothing. It's a Total Blue Wall Of Silence.   

This is one reason why I always laugh at Republicans and conservatives who reflexively defend the police like they are on a sainted mission from the Vatican.   Because these people have never had an experience with police brutality and/or other police misbehavior. 

I call the landlord and I tell the landlord we want to meet immediately along with Mr. Tourette's Syndrome. 

In the meeting I describe my police misconduct story and how this dunce filed a false police report by requiring the Penfield Police to come to our apartment.  The fear on his face as I detail the incident with the police is priceless.  I so enjoyed it that I almost started to laugh as I demanded that he be evicted.

And after that meeting the noise from his apartment stopped.