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ALL THINGS POSSIBLE: Set Backs And Success In Politics And Life

by Chris Chichester on 03/19/18

Lieutenant Governor Kathy Hochul: Governor Cuomo my name is Kathy Hochul.  May I speak with you?

Governor Andrew Cuomo: You're one of Jack Crawford's aren't you?

Lt. Gov. Hochul: I am. Yes.

Gov. Cuomo: May I see your credentials? 

Lt. Gov. Hochul: Certainly.

Gov. Cuomo: 
Closer, please. Closer. That expires in one week. You're not real F.B.I. Are you?

Lt. Gov. Hochul: I'm still in training at the academy. 

Gov. Cuomo:  Jack Crawford sent a trainee to me?

Lt. Gov. Hochul:  Yes, I'm a student. I'm here to learn from you. Maybe you can decide for yourself whether or not I'm qualified enough to do that. 

Gov. Cuomo:  That is rather slippery of you Lieutenant Governor Hochul. Sit please. Now then. Tell me. What did de Blasio say to you? Multiple de Blasio in the next cell.  He hissed at you. What did he say?

Lt. Gov. Hochul:
  He said: "I can smell your cunt."

Gov. Cuomo: 
I see. I myself cannot.  You use Evyan Skin Cream. And sometimes you wear L'Air du Temps. But not today.

Lt. Gov. Hochul: Did you do all these drawings, governor?

Gov. Cuomo: That is the Duomo scene from the Belvedere. Do you know Florence?

Lt. Gov. Hochul: All that detail just from memory, governor?

Gov. Cuomo: Memory, Lieutenant Governor Hochul, is what I have instead of a view.

Lt. Gov. Hochul: Well, perhaps you'd care to lend us your view on this questionnaire, governor.

Gov. Cuomo: Oh, no, no, no, no. You were doing fine. You had been courteous and receptive to courtesy. You had established trust with the embarrassing truth about de Blasio. And now this ham-handed segue into your questionnaire. It won't do. 

Lt. Gov. Hochul: I'm only asking you to look at this, governor. Either you will or you won't.

Gov. Cuomo: Yeah, Jack Crawford must be very busy indeed if he's recruiting help from the student body.  Busy hunting that new one: Eliot Spitzer.  What a naughty boy he is. Do you know why he's called The Fucking Steamroller?  Please tell me. The newspapers won't say. 

Lt. Gov. Hochul: It started as a bad joke in New York City Homicide. They said: This one likes to skin his humps. 

Gov. Cuomo: Why do you think he removes their skins, Lieutenant Governor Hochul? Thrill me with our acumen. 

Lt. Gov. Hochul:
 It excites him. Most serial killers keep some sort of trophies from their victims.

Gov. Cuomo: I didn't.

Lt. Gov. Hochul: No, no. You ate yours.

Gov. Cuomo:
 You send that through now? Now, Lieutenant Governor Hochul you think you can dissect me with this blunt little tool?

Lt. Gov. Hochul: No, I thought that your knowledge . . .

Gov. Cuomo: You're so ambitious. Aren't you? Do you know what you look like to me with your good bag and your cheap shoes?  You look like a rube. A well-scrubbed hustling rube with a little taste. Good nutrition's given you some length of bone. But you're not more than one generation from poor white trash. Are you, Lieutenant Governor Hochul?  And that accent you've tried so desperately to shed. Pure western New York.  What is your father dear? Is he a coal miner? Does he stink of the lamp? How quickly the boys found you.  All those tedious, sticky fumblings in the back seats of cars, while you could only dream of getting out. Getting any where. Getting all the way to the New York State Capitol.

Lt. Gov. Hochul: You see a lot, governor. But are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself?  Why don't you look at yourself and write down what you see? Or maybe you're afraid to. 

Gov. Cuomo: A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. You fly back to school now, little Hochul.  Fly, fly, fly. Fly, fly. fly.

Lt. Gov. Hochul:  I'm offering you a psychological profile of Carl Heastie based on the case evidence. I'll help you catch him. 

Gov. Cuomo: Advancement. Listen carefully. Look deep within yourself, Kathy Hochul. Go seek out Elizabeth McCaughey, an old patient of mine. What is your worst memory of childhood?

Lt. Gov. Hochul: The death of my father.

Gov. Cuomo: Tell me about it. And don't lie. Or I'll know.

Lt. Gov. Hochul: He was a town marshal. One night he surprised two burglars coming out the back of a drug store.  They shot him.

Gov. Cuomo: 
Was he killed outright?

Lt. Gov. Hochul: No. He was very strong. He lasted more than a month. My mother died when I was very young. My father had become my whole world to me, and when he left, I had nothing. I was ten years old.

Gov. Cuomo: You're very frank Kathy. I think it would be quite something to know you in private life. 

Lt. Gov. Hochul: Quid pro quo, governor.

Gov. Cuomo: After your father's murder you were orphaned. What happened next? I don't imagine the answer is on those second-rate shoes, Kathy.

Lt. Gov. Hochul: I lived with my mother's cousin and her husband in Fredonia. They had a ranch.

Gov. Cuomo: Was it a cattle ranch? Sheep and horses? How long did you live there?

Lt. Gov. Hochul: Two months.   I ran away.

Gov. Cuomo: Why, Kathy? Did the rancher make you perform fellatio? Did he sodomize you?

Lt. Gov. Hochul: No, he was a very decent man.

Gov. Cuomo: Don't you feel eyes moving over your body, Kathy?

Lt. Gov. Hochul: Governor, we don't have any more time for this now.

Gov. Cuomo: After your father's murder, you were orphaned.  You went to live with cousins on a sheep and horse ranch. And?

Lt. Gov. Hochul:  And one morning I just ran away.

Gov. Cuomo: Not 'just' Kathy. What set you off? You started at what time? Early. Still dark.  Then something woke you. Didn't it. Was it a dream? What was it?

Lt. Gov. Hochul: I heard a strange noise.

Gov. Cuomo: What was it?

Lt. Gov. Hochul: It was screaming. Some kind of screaming. Like a child's voice. I went downstairs. I krept up into the barn.  I was so scared to look inside. But I had to. 

Gov. Cuomo: What did you see, Kathy? What did you see?

Lt. Gov. Hochul: Lambs. They were screaming.

Gov. Cuomo:  They were slaughtering the spring lambs.

Lt. Gov. Hochul: And they were screaming.

Gov. Cuomo: And you ran away.

Lt. Gov. Hochul: No. I first tried to free them.  I opened the gate to their pen. But they wouldn't run. They just stood there. Confused.  They wouldn't run. 

Gov. Cuomo: But you could.  And you did. Didn't you?

Lt. Gov. Hochul: Yes. I took one lamb and I ran away as fast as I could.

Gov. Cuomo: Where were you going Kathy?

Lt. Gov. Hochul: I don't know. I didn't have any food. Any water. And it was very cold. I thought if I could save just one.  But he was so heavy.  I didn't get more than a few miles when the Sheriff's car picked me up.  The rancher was so angry. He sent me to live at an orphanage in Binghamton. I never saw the ranch again.

Gov. Cuomo: 
 What became of your lamb, Kathy?

Lt. Gov. Hochul: He killed him.

Gov. Cuomo: You still wake up sometimes. Don't you? Wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the lambs?

Lt. Gov. Hochul: Yes.

Gov. Cuomo:  And, you think if you save poor Catherine you could make them stop. Don't you.  You think if Catherine lives you won't wake up in the dark ever again to that awful screaming of the lambs.

Lt. Gov. Hochul:  I don't know. I don't know.

Gov. Cuomo: Thank you, Kathy. Thank you.

Lt. Gov. Hochul:
Tell me his name, governor.  

Gov. Cuomo: Dr. Chilton, I presume. I think you know each other.

Lt. Gov. Hochul:  It's your turn, governor. Tell me his name.

Gov. Cuomo: Brave, Kathy. You will let me know when those lambs stop screaming. Won't you. 


Freedom Lies In Being Bold -- Robert Frost

Abuse: The Fire Engines Of Penfield, New York

by Chris Chichester on 03/07/18

The frequency of a fire engine careening past my house at 26 Sanders Farm Drive in Penfield has achieved an absurd status.  The deployment of the vehicles is not directed at a structure burning to the ground.  It is for a situation where no fire or no emergency or no threat to human life exists. 

My house is approximately 300 yards from Penfield Road.  I've lived here for 5+ years.  On March 2 I walked to Wegmans on Willow Pond Way as a fire engine is blazing down Penfield Road.  In the opposite direction another screaming fire engine approaches.  I concluded The Towering Inferno or Acadia Planetia on Mars are destinations for this cacophony. 

Both fire engines stopped at 2140 Penfield Road.  This structure is perfectly normal in its presentation. There is not a puff of smoke in sight. Or an individual at a window in search of a ladder to escape a life-threatening blaze. Or an arsonist with a box of Diamond Strike-On matches in hand.  Why did two fire engines respond to a structure with no fire?  When I returned to my house the fire engines are gone. Each is at the residence for less than 20 minutes. 

Yesterday I left my house at 11:20 a.m. to go to Target. As I was about to enter the store two fire engines with blaring sirens travel by on Fairport Nine Mile Road. I don't know the reason, obviously.  I'm confident it is not an event that rivals the Great Chicago Fire of 1871.

Today at 11:24 a.m. an insane fire engine shrieked past my house.  The possible reasons:

 A cat is stuck in a tree
* A child lost his bike
A senior citizen misplaced his glasses
* A smoke alarm requires batteries
* A garden hose is punctured 
* Dunkin' Donuts at 1802 Penfield Road is about to run out of Maple Frosted With Sprinkles

The official identifiable vehicles of government are not the only vehicles on Penfield Road equipped with sirens.  On March 2 I walked to Wegmans. A white van performed a U-Turn on Penfield Road -- and the driver activated a siren. This vehicle has no government emblem or marker. Yet it began to travel in an emergency capacity.  The driver is an excellent candidate for fire department recruitment by Fire Marshall Tom Tette. 

I lived on Constitution Avenue in Washington, D.C. when I worked as the press secretary for Congressman Lamar Smith of Texas.  It is a majestic Avenue on the northern border of the National Mall and extends to the United States Capitol.  I rarely heard a fire engine in the most significant and powerful city on earth.  

I lived on Winthrop Avenue in Albany next to Washington Avenue for five years when I worked for Senate Majority Leader Ralph J. Marino and Governor George E. Pataki.  Washington Avenue is the major four-lane east-west route that travels to the New York State Capitol.  I wasn't under siege in my residence from fire engines. As firefighters in our capital city respond to . . . fire. 

From "Plenty of Firefighters, But Where Are The Fires" in The Boston Globe by Leon Neyfakh on September 8, 2013:

"The number of career fire fighters per capita in the United States is essentially unchanged since 1986, but of the roughly 30 million calls America's fire departments responded to in 2011, the last year for which statistics are available, only about 1.4 million were fire-related -- down by more than 50 percent since 1981, according to the National Fire Protection Association."

If the number of fire-related calls are down 50 percent nationally since 1981, the number of fire-related calls in Penfield are down 50 percent or thereabouts. If that assertion is incorrect I want to hear Penfield Town Supervisor Tony LaFountain explain precisely why. 

As the duly elected Town Supervisor since since January 1, 2010 Supervisor LaFountain is charged with a responsibility to ensure the proper use of government vehicles. The people own these vehicles.  The people deserve a fire department defined by integrity, character and dedication.  Integrity, character and and dedication is not present in Penfield because out-of-control public employees concoct emergencies in a disgraceful breach of public trust.

I wrote to Supervisor LaFountain.  He responded:

"Thank you for the email.  I will forward it on to the Penfield Fire District for their information as they are their own taxing district completely separate from the Town with an elected board. Their budget and election of board members is voted on by all residents of the town annually in December. Watch their legal notice of budget and board vote."

What a joke.  An election in December is the calculation that ensures low turn-out.  The only elections I can identify in December are special and run-off after the Louisiana Blanket or Jungle Primary.  Moreover, a separate taxing district insulates the fire district from accountability. 

For you individuals at the Penfield Fire Department I report that fire is a rapid oxidation of a material in the exothermic chemical process of combustion releasing heat and light.  Your job is to extinguish this threat. If you deduce no such threat exists you must forego the temptation to drive past my residence like the fast and furious.  And ludicrous. 


Freedom Lies In Being Bold -- Robert Frost

On The Abuse Of Police Power In Penfield, New York: Part II

by Chris Chichester on 02/28/18

"The function of the police is to solve problems that have law enforcement consequences in a way that is based on a genuine partnership with the neighborhood in both the venting of the problem and the discussion of the solution." -- James Q. Wilson

The Monroe County Sheriff's Office is deployed to my house at 26 Sanders Farm Drive in Penfield eight times during the last two months. Because I walk my shih tzu. It is manipulation and abuse of the law.  It is a disgraceful, ongoing harassment.  

For six years I've walked my dog along a dirt path next to my house. A parking lot separates my house from a business: Consumer Insights. The path travels 50 yards. My dog has defecated and urinated on its desolate earth 3,000+ times.  

On February 13 I walked him.  A car from Consumer Insights departed the parking lot as I stood on the dirt path.  It stopped and idled.  I looked at the driver and passenger. One minute passed.  The car continued to idle with its two occupants staring at me.  I ended this bizarre intrusion into my life with forceful language. 

Approximately thirty minutes later two Monroe County sheriff's deputies arrived at my front door. I asked: What law did I break?  Each failed to answer.  I asked: Is it illegal for a citizen to exercise his First Amendment right in public? Each failed to answer.  I asked: Did you bring a copy of the property record or title that demonstrates Eliot Roth of Consumers Insights owns the land I walk my dog on? Each failed to answer.  I asked:  What is the name of the individual abusing 911? Each failed to answer. Because I am not in violation of any law. Or statute. Or ordinance. Or rule. Or proclamation. 

One deputy decided I required an interrogation: 

Deputy: What did you say to the woman in car?! 
Chris Chichester: I said: What the fuck are you looking at? Fuck you. Just like I'm going to say to you as you stand there with that stupid look on your face: What the fuck are you looking at? Fuck you.
Deputy: Don't you swear at me.
Chris Chichester: I'll use any fucking language I want in my fucking house. Fuck you. 

I was surprised this character did not read my Miranda warning for the use of profanity in my living room. Or place me in a chokehold. Or handcuff me to the coat rack. Or subdue me with his X26 Taser.  

The delusional New Yorkers at Consumer Insights believe the Sheriff is a personal security detail. Rather than explain the lawful use of the police power to these extremists the Sheriff empowers them.  His deputies arrive at my house with an enthusiasm that should be reserved for felons.  It is a crime in our Empire State to falsely report an incident. From Penal Law § 240.50:  




My 12-pound dog exercising his bodily functions is not an impending catastrophe or emergency. He is also not a Davidian Seventh-Day Adventist in Waco, Texas or former U.S. Army special forces combat engineer living peacefully in a Ruby Ridge, Idaho cabin.  He is from the Tibet Plateau and demonstrates how the Wade-Giles scheme reflects the use of a syllabic fricative after a corresponding consonant in modern Mandarin.

Mr. Roth believes the proper method for resolving a dispute is not communication or conversation. He cravenly refused to knock on my door and talk to me directly.  When I attempted to speak to him at his business he screamed at me to leave -- and called the Sheriff's office. Again. 

I reported Consumer Insights to the Bureau of Consumer Frauds and Protection for Attorney General Eric Schneiderman.  I'm not waiting in breathless anticipation for a response. Despite the consumer fraud I now require protection from.  

I've never been arrested, charged or convicted of a crime.  I believe in the law and the propagation of a civil society.  Yet today I am the focus of law enforcement in performing a daily task notable for its banality. 

The Sergeant for the Zone came to my house after the confrontation with the two deputies.  It is the first time I spoke to an individual at the Sheriff's office with an understanding of police power. This appalling situation has careened to the point a supervisory deputy is in my living room because of: Boom Boom.  He is named after former World Boxing Association lightweight champion Ray "Boom Boom" Mancini.   

I adopted my dog from Lollypop Farm Humane Society in 2011.  After an interview about my experience and employment history.  I wanted a dog nobody wanted.  On that day I am unaware that the Monroe County Sheriff's Office is empowered to descend on my house like I'm a criminal mastermind of Penfield by the lunatic fringe represented at Consumer Insights. 

At his swearing-in ceremony on January 2 Sheriff Todd Baxter said: 

"I think people are just looking for that sense of hope when it comes to law enforcement." 

I hope I don't have to utter another syllable in front of your deputies, Todd. I hope you understand a criminal threat is not a dog walker. I hope you possess a professional comportment devoid of hysteria, extremism and incompetence. I hope you leave me alone.


Freedom Lies In Being Bold -- Robert Frost

On The Tribal Rites Of The New Saturday Night

by Chris Chichester on 02/26/18


To: Joan Taylor

From: Chris Chichester

RE Your Jesus Christ Reconstruction 

As a retired altar boy at Assumption Of The Blessed Virgin Mary Roman Catholic Church in Centereach, New York I read a story that describes your ability to determine the physical appearance of Jesus Christ.  From The Daily Express of London: 

What Did Jesus Look Like? Expert Reveals 'True" Characteristics of Christ

JESUS Christ was a short and muscular man, according to a historian who has studied the life and times of the so called Son of God to establish a depiction of what Jesus what have looked like 


PUBLISHED 13:12, Fri, Feb. 23, 2018 UPDATED: 13:43, Fri, Feb. 23, 2018

Joan Taylor, a historian who has been attempting to chronicle the life of Jesus Christ, has reconstructed what The Messiah would have looked like. 

To achieve this Ms. Taylor has been analysing historical texts and skeletal records from modern day Jerusalem from the time Christ supposedly lived. 

Your reconstruction failed to accurately described HIS true characteristics. The Way, The Truth and The Life is 19-year-old Tony Manero from Brooklyn, New York. He lives with his parents in Bay Ridge and works at a paint store for Mr. Fusco.  Mr. Fusco provides Tony with career-altering advice such as: No, Tony, you can't fuck the future. The future fucks you.  It catches up with you and fucks you if you ain't planned for it. 

Tony is a dancer with talent.  Every Saturday night he performs at 2001 Odyssey.  He prepares.   He admires himself in front of a mirror wearing black jockey underwear.  He selects his new lay-away shirt from the closet. He dries his hair with a SUPERPRO blow drier. He zips his polyester pants thinking about the unzipping.  He affixes a crucifix and gold chain. His father asks him to come to dinner. He replies: I ain't hungry. I got my shirt on. I don't want to get anything on it.

At dinner Tony drapes a white sheet over himself to prevent food from spilling on his flammable disco shirt.  His mother begins the meal by blessing herself as she states her son's name: Father Frank, Jr.  Tony's sister tells him: You're so jealous of Frank,  Jr. Tony replies: Oh, shut up, will you. Tony's father hits him behind the head. Tony's mother hits his father.  Tony's father hits his mother. Tony's mother hits his sister. Tony's father hits him behind the head again. Tony's sister throws food at him. Tony tells her: Hey, the shirt, watch the shirt, stupid.

Tony's grandmother objects to the dinner table activity with: Mangia! Mangia! Tony's father notices a pork chop on his plate. He takes it off the plate and slams it on the table.  He yells: One pork chop! One! Tony tells his father: It's disgusting, right. It's sick.  Tony's father hits him behind the head again. Tony replies: Would you just watch the hair!? You know, I work on my hair a long time and you hit it. He hits my hair. 

Tony waits for his ride to 2001 Odyssey with Joey, Bobby C, Double J and Gus.  When the car stops Tony opens the door -- and the car quickly drives away. Tony charges: You assholes almost broke my pussy finger.  As they walk to 2001 Tony asks the existential question: If you put your dick in a spic does it get bigger than a nigger? He does not receive an answer.

Tony is a superstar dancer at 2001.  He takes over the dance floor without a partner.  Connie is impressed. She dances with Tony and asks him if his dancing rivals his ability to perform sexual intercourse.  Tony answers her question with sensitivity and compassion: You know, Connie, if you're as good in bed as you are on the dance floor I bet you're one lousy fuck. 

2001 is the environment for everyone to worship Tony. Such as Doreen.  She asks him: Can I wipe off your forehead?  Another woman orders Tony to kiss her on the dance floor. He does. She walks away in delirium claiming: Oh, I just kissed Al Pacino! 

Tony decides to enter a dance contest at 2001 with Annette.  She loves him because he treats her with contempt and ridicule.  She likes to watch him walk down the street to the studio.  Tony  provides sage advice to her such as: Are you a nice girl or are you a cunt?  Annette wants to be both.  Tony fails to understand this personal development goal. 

One night at 2001 Tony notices Stepanie Mangano dancing at 2001.  He is instantly attracted to her ability and beauty.  He plans. He approaches her at the dance studio with the eloquence of F. Scott Fitzgerald: You know, you and I got the same last initial.  Stephanie replies that a possible marriage won't require her to change the monogram on her luggage.  

Tony has lunch with Stephanie. He appreciates her class and sophistication. As she is an incredible success story as a secretary.  But she is already functioning in a public relations capacity. She drinks tea because it's a lot more refined. She tells Tony she fills in for the agents when they are elsewhere.  

She has business lunches with Cat Stevens and Eric Clapton.  Stephanie says: Hey, you know who came into the office the other day?  Laurence Olivier. Tony asks: Who's that?  Stephanie informs him: He's the greatest actor in the whole world. Oh, come on. You know who he is.  He's the English actor. Stephanie does not cite Olivier's Academy Award for Best Actor for Hamlet.  She tells Tony he is the one on television who does all those Polaroid commercials.

Tony pretends to know Olivier. He exclaims: Oh? Him? Oh, he's good.  

Stephanie:  So I do a few errands for him. So he goes around and tells everyone in the entire office. I'm the brightest. I'm the most vivechist thing in the entire office he's seen in years.  Tony asks Stephanie if Oliver can buy him a camera at a discount.  

Stephanie tells Tony she is changing and growing.  Tony replies: Why don't you go on a diet.  He laughs. Stephanie likes Tony. She agrees to dance with him. She tells him she doesn't want him coming on to her.   She asserts: I'm sick of jerk-off guys who ain't go their shit together. Tony is chewing his food and replies:  Oh, come on, it's easy to get your shit together. All you need is a salad bowl and a potato masher.  You get your shit together. 

Stephanie is offended. She rebukes Tony:  You're a cliche.  You're nowhere on your way to no place.  Tony replies:  What do you got? A fucking stairway to the stars, or what?  They agree to become partners for the 2001 Odyssey contest.  

Tony's life is a boring and unfilled existence when he is not at the disco.  He wanders aimlessly with his friends through Brooklyn.  

Tony is at odds with his father.  Tony received a four dollar raise at the paint store. He tells his father.  They bond in a dinner table conversation:

Frank, Sr.: Four dollars. You know what four dollars buys today? It don't ever buy three dollars.
Tony: I don't see no one givin' you a raise down at unemployment.
Frank, Sr.: Four dollars? Shit. 
Tony: I knew you'd piss on it. Go on piss on it. All right? A raise says like you're good, you know?  You know how many times someone told me I was good in my life? Two. Twice. Two fuckin' times. This raise today, and dancin' at the disco.  You sure as fuck never did. Asshole. 

Tony and his friends frequently stop at the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge to climb the cables and defy death. The Bridge has a special significance to Tony as an avenue to a new life. He memorized facts about the bridge.  He takes Stephanie to the Bridge for a romantic interlude. He tells her the tower rises 690 feet, 40 million cars cross every year, the weight is 127,000 tons of steel, the center span is 4,260 and with the on-raps it totals 2.5 miles. 

Tony informs Stephanie that they also got a guy buried in the cement. They was working on it apparently at the time. They was pouring the cement and he slipped off on the upper part of the bridge and fell in.   Because he's a dumb fuck. 

Tony helps Stephanie move. He tells her Mr. Fusco fired him because he asked for the afternoon off.  Stephanie is compassionate. She tells Tony: Nobody bitched at my office. I got the whole day off. 

The night before the dance contest at 2001 Tony, Double J, Bobby C and Joey plan revenge for the Barracudas assault on Gus.   Double J drives them to the gang headquarters.  They have no plan. But Double J.  suddenly steps on the gas and the car is about to crash into the headquarters. Bobby C. decides that is the appropriate time to confess his future plans. He says:  Tony, I'm going to get married. 

Tony arrives at the dance contest at 2001 to greet Stephanie. Tony wears a three-piece white suit.  He greets Stephanie at the front door with band-aid over his eye. He tells he cut himself shaving.  Stephanie is not fooled.  

Tony and Stephanie dance.  It is spectacular.  María Héctor and César Rodríguez are the next couple.  But their routine is also spectacular.  The judge announces the first place decision without recognizing that Stephanie danced with Tony:  The coolest, Brooklyn's Fred Astaire, the boogie-woogie man. He was hot! He was right on! Stephanie Mangano and Tony Manero. 

Tony is unemotional.  He believes the contest is rigged against 
María and César. He gives the couple the trophy and leaves with Stephanie. He attempts to have sex with Stephanie in the car -- but he is rejected. Stephanie flees but does not slam the car door on Tony's penis like Sandy in Grease.  

Tony and his friends drive to the Verrazzano-Narrows Bridge to perform the usual death-defying cable-climbing antics.  Bobby C, previously reluctant to participate, is on the bridge next to Tony. He is suddenly upset with the searing betrayal that Tony did not call him earlier. Tony attempts to console Bobby C.  Bobby C. slips and falls to his death in the Narrows. 

Tony finally understands his pathetic, instant gratification life on a train ride.  As morning breaks Tony knocks on Stephanie's door.  She opens the door and tells him: It's the first time I let a known rapist into my house. He apologizes for acting like a Kennedy.  They sit on the window sill to talk.

Tony tells Stephanie he will create a new life.  In Manhattan.  Stephanie tells him Manhattan is only for people with superior skills and qualifications. Like her. She can type. Tony wants to be friends. Stephanie says: Let's be friends. Stephanie kisses and hugs Tony The Rapist. They clasp hands.  Stephanie hugs Tony. How Deep Is Your Love by The Bee Gees plays. 


Freedom Lies In Being Bold -- Robert Frost

Make America Great Again: On President Donald Trump's Military Parade

by Chris Chichester on 02/09/18


To: President Donald Trump 

From: Dr. Strangelove 

RE Your Military Parade Proposal 

Mein Führer! A parade for our military men and women is how a commander-in-chief honors a commander-in-chief. Your moral authority is unquestioned as proven by a 1968 medical deferment from the Vietnam War for bone spurs. No human being must endure the excruciating tiny pointed outgrowth you experienced. 

From The Mayo Clinic: 

"Bone Spurs are bony projections that develop along the edges of bones. Bone spurs (osteophytes) often form where bones meet each other -- in your joints. They can also form on the bones of your spine. 

"The main cause of bone spurs is the joint damage associated with osteoarthritis. Most bone spurs cause no symptoms and may go undetected for years. They may not require treatment. Decisions on treatment depend on where spurs are situated and how they affect your health." 

Total casualties in The Vietnam War: 58,220. I recommend a visit to The Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, D.C. to pay your respects. In your favorite Dr. Scholl's Custom Fit Orthotics and Dr. Scholl's Comfort & Energy Massaging Gel Insoles. Before wearing the orthotics I encourage you to wash your hands by the usual 12th time before noon given the infestation of germs upon this product. 

Mein Führer! I caution you about the international communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids. Have you ever seen a commie drink a glass of water? Water fluoridation is a conspiracy perpetrated by communists. As your ex-officio national security adviser I encourage you to drink Poland Spring. This beverage must not influence you to consider an invasion of Poland. 

A parade requires balloons. The recommendations from the Greater German Reichstag: Snoopy, Ronald McDonald and Big Bird. I recommend Snoopy. Big Bird is a Marxist dupe representation of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. Ronald McDonald is, obviously, a homosexual. 

Mein Führer! I involuntarily Sieg Heil and it reshapes my clavicle and scapula. This alien hand syndrome is treated with Trump Vodka. In promoting the failed product you, a teetotalist, told Larry King: "A great friend of mine was a founder of Grey Goose. And what we're going to do is top it." 

As the official headgear for the parade I recommend your red MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN crash helmet. Miss Universe Eva Braun wears it in the Führerbunker. She is ravishing in its splendor.  She is the only woman in the history of civilization capable of a suicide attempt due to a lack of affection from Mein Führer.

On April 18, 1939 I participated in the nauseating extravaganza that included 50 limousines driven across Berlin to mark the 50th birthday of my favorite Austro-Hungarian. Joseph Goebbels wrote in his diary: 

"The Führer is feted like no other mortal has ever been."

No other mortal defaulted on a $245 million loan for Trump Airlines.  No other mortal refused to pay a Trump Mortgage employee a $298,274 judgement. No other mortal discontinued Trump Steaks after two months.  No other mortal disgracefully manipulated the bankruptcy laws six times. No other mortal is fined $200,000 by the New Jersey Casino Control Commission for empowering a John Gotti associate at a craps table.  No other mortal owned the New Jersey Generals of the United States Football League. No other mortal shaved Vince McMahon's head in a ring.  No other mortal is featured on the cover of the New York Post with a mistress praising a skill set as the  "best sex I've ever had." 

Mein Führer!  I note the following presidential language from you.  

On Cher: 

"I promise not to talk about your massive plastic surgeries that didn't work."

On harmonious race relations:

"I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks."

On racial and religious Generally Accepted Accounting Principles: 

"I have black guys counting my money . . . I hate it. The only guys I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes all day."

On international relations:

"Who the fuck knows? I mean, really, who knows how much the Japs will pay for Manhattan property these days."

On the asymmetry of the Hispanic vote:

"I'm leading in the Hispanic vote, and I'm going to win the Hispanic vote.  I'm also leading in the regular vote."

On oscillating the unmentionables: 

"Oftentimes when I was sleeping with one of the top women in the world I would say to myself, thinking about me as a boy from Queens, 'can you believe what I am getting.'"

On the mathematics of a female employee:

"She's not giving me 100%. She's giving me 84 percent, and 16 percent is going towards taking care of children."

On the harmonious end of a marriage: 

"When a man leaves a woman especially when it was perceived that he has left for a piece of ass -- a good one! -- there are 50 percent of the population who will love the woman who was left."

On a more desirable piece of ass:

"You know, it really doesn't matter what they write as long as you've got a young a beautiful piece of ass."

On construction, demolition and the absence of schools in Brooklyn:

"We build a school, we build a road, they blow up the school, we build another school, we build another road they blow them up, we build again. In the meantime we can't get a fucking school in Brooklyn."

Mein Führer! My handsome, charming friend Chris Chichester of Penfield New York is a veteran: 2nd Squadron 17th Cavalry, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Ft. Campbell, Kentucky. His Commander-in-Chief: Ronald Reagan. He is grateful President Reagan did not order the 101st to Washington, D.C. for a circus on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. 

The model for your military parade is the 2018 Tournament of Roses Parade. It featured 44 floats, 20 equestrian units with approximately 400 horses, 21 marching bands and Jack in the Box's Jack-O-Licious float [your favorite float].  The 1994 Grand Marshall is Juan "Chi-Chi" Rodriguez.  Per your executive order agents from Immigration and Customs Enforcement deported Mr. Rodriguez.

Mein Führer! On May 9, 2010 Russia held a parade with 10,000 soldiers, 160 military vehicles and 127 military aircraft. They're such children. Your parade is a revolutionary extravaganza that will allow our 323 million citizens to escape from American Carnage for one day. 

Reichsführer of the Schutzstaffel Heinrich Himmler is responsible for security and murders along the parade route.  He remains captivated by the deployment of your intellect, adultery and political pornography.  It is an astonishing achievement despite the fact that you fail to project the required blue eyes and blonde hair of the Master Race.

Freedom Lies In Being Bold -- Robert Frost