It's times like this I wish women could go to male prostitutes. You farted, you're human.
I can't believe that a guy would think I was sexy. You see this is why I don't date. The men out there are freaks.
I swear to God. I love you. But I will have to kill you. I always thought when the right guy came along all my bullshit would calm down and go away.
Christ! When did being single translate into being gay?
Last night Steve and I held hands for an hour and a half watching the fire. He was looking into my eyes. I was looking for the remote.
Freedom Lies In Being Bold -- Robert Frost
Director of Marketing and Public Relations
Lieutenant Tim Matuszak
Security and Facilities Manager
Customer Service Manager
Yesterday I was a customer in Marketplace Mall from 3:00 p.m. to 7:15 p.m. It is the first time I visited since 2015. I walked to the center of the Mall upon arriving. This is the "play" area. It included 30+ preschool children and at least 15 infants.
The screaming from these 40+ children and infants was ear-drum splitting. I have never heard screaming of such nature and duration in a public place. Even when I was 100+ yards away from the center of this disgraceful reality I kept walking as rapidly as possible to extricate myself from its unrelenting pandemonium. With no such good fortune. Because in your Nineteen Eighty-Four it is impossible to shop and walk and relax without the piercing and pathetic presence of children and infants.
I am unable to reach a conclusion for how a screaming infant enhances the experience of being in your enterprise. I concluded Strong Memorial Hospital opened an Obstetrics & Gynecology office at Marketplace Mall. In order for your customers to receive the proper neonatal care. No such office is in your mall. Or perhaps a screaming infant belongs in your enterprise for a commercial audition for Happy Baby Organic Yogis Freeze-Dried Yogurt & Fruit Snacks. I did not see a camera crew. Or perhaps a mother asked her screaming infant if he wants to re-live his delivery at Strong Memorial Hospital.
I am unable to reach a conclusion for how a screaming child not yet old enough for the first grade enhances the experience of being in your enterprise. One father picked up his child in front of me, placed his legs around his neck -- and began to run. The child screamed in delight -- for approximately 30 seconds. When he passed the Marble Slab Creamery I was surprised the Double Dark Chocolate did not eject from the container. Another father was changing his infant's diaper in your food service area -- on a table. I witnessed a mother spank her child.
The crying from these children and infants was a spectacle. It's not exactly Fun City for an infant or a child to be in your Mall because there is nothing for a child or an infant to do in your Mall. I'm not aware of a 12-month old or a five-year-old earning a salary that empowers a purchase. When a 12-month-old or five-year-old is approved for a Visa I may change my thinking.
I bought a pair of running shoes at Foot Locker. I asked the employee: Is this screaming from infants and children a constant for you? Is it every day all the time? The individual shook his head and said: Yes. The individual told me it is unbearable when multiple screaming infants and multiple screaming children accompany parents to the store.
I am here to provide you with advice. You must prevent the assemblage of these infants and pre-school children at the center of your Mall. Your Mall is not supposed to be a circus. You must hire a security guard to prevent a parent or guardian from bringing an infant into the Mall. How is an infant defined? A human being incapable of walking unassisted. When these pathetic parents and guardians object the security guard must inform each to -- Are you ready? -- hire a babysitter or ask a relative or friend to watch the infant. That is how it once worked in the United States of America.
I know what you plan to do to address this appalling situation: Nothing. The unbearable environment in your enterprise is irrelevant because the money is paramount. The money is your idol. The maximum number of individuals in Marketplace Mall equals the maximum revenue. But not from my bank account. I wouldn't buy a Snickers in any of your stores after this assault on my senses and my ears by your dysfunctional customers. I'm done.
It is now 24 hours since I returned home. I still have a ringing in my ears like I just returned from watching The Who at 126 decibels in London on May 31, 1976. Perhaps you can send me a bottle of Tylenol. I bought two Tylenol from Good News Stand when I was in your Mall. To treat the first signs of the ringing in my ear. I'm delighted to have contributed to the success of your store owners.
Penfield, N.Y. 14526
Freedom Lies In Being Bold -- Robert Frost
Lt. Gov. Hochul: I am. Yes.
Gov. Cuomo: May I see your credentials?
Lt. Gov. Hochul: Certainly.
Gov. Cuomo: Closer, please. Closer. That expires in one week. You're not real F.B.I. Are you?
Lt. Gov. Hochul: I'm still in training at the academy.
Lt. Gov. Hochul: Yes, I'm a student. I'm here to learn from you. Maybe you can decide for yourself whether or not I'm qualified enough to do that.
Gov. Cuomo: That is rather slippery of you Lieutenant Governor Hochul. Sit please. Now then. Tell me. What did de Blasio say to you? Multiple de Blasio in the next cell. He hissed at you. What did he say?
Lt. Gov. Hochul: He said: "I can smell your cunt."
Gov. Cuomo: I see. I myself cannot. You use Evyan Skin Cream. And sometimes you wear L'Air du Temps. But not today.
Lt. Gov. Hochul: Did you do all these drawings, governor?
Gov. Cuomo: That is the Duomo scene from the Belvedere. Do you know Florence?
Gov. Cuomo: Memory, Lieutenant Governor Hochul, is what I have instead of a view.
Lt. Gov. Hochul: Well, perhaps you'd care to lend us your view on this questionnaire, governor.
Gov. Cuomo: Oh, no, no, no, no. You were doing fine. You had been courteous and receptive to courtesy. You had established trust with the embarrassing truth about de Blasio. And now this ham-handed segue into your questionnaire. It won't do.
Lt. Gov. Hochul: I'm only asking you to look at this, governor. Either you will or you won't.
Gov. Cuomo: Yeah, Jack Crawford must be very busy indeed if he's recruiting help from the student body. Busy hunting that new one: Eliot Spitzer. What a naughty boy he is. Do you know why he's called The Fucking Steamroller? Please tell me. The newspapers won't say.
Gov. Cuomo: Why do you think he removes their skins, Lieutenant Governor Hochul? Thrill me with our acumen.
Lt. Gov. Hochul: It excites him. Most serial killers keep some sort of trophies from their victims.
Gov. Cuomo: I didn't.
Lt. Gov. Hochul: No, no. You ate yours.
Gov. Cuomo: You send that through now? Now, Lieutenant Governor Hochul you think you can dissect me with this blunt little tool?
Lt. Gov. Hochul: No, I thought that your knowledge . . .
Gov. Cuomo: You're so ambitious. Aren't you? Do you know what you look like to me with your good bag and your cheap shoes? You look like a rube. A well-scrubbed hustling rube with a little taste. Good nutrition's given you some length of bone. But you're not more than one generation from poor white trash. Are you, Lieutenant Governor Hochul? And that accent you've tried so desperately to shed. Pure western New York. What is your father dear? Is he a coal miner? Does he stink of the lamp? How quickly the boys found you. All those tedious, sticky fumblings in the back seats of cars, while you could only dream of getting out. Getting any where. Getting all the way to the New York State Capitol.
Lt. Gov. Hochul: You see a lot, governor. But are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself? Why don't you look at yourself and write down what you see? Or maybe you're afraid to.
Gov. Cuomo: Advancement. Listen carefully. Look deep within yourself, Kathy Hochul. Go seek out Elizabeth McCaughey, an old patient of mine. What is your worst memory of childhood?
Lt. Gov. Hochul: He was a town marshal. One night he surprised two burglars coming out the back of a drug store. They shot him.
Gov. Cuomo: Was he killed outright?
Lt. Gov. Hochul: No. He was very strong. He lasted more than a month. My mother died when I was very young. My father had become my whole world to me, and when he left, I had nothing. I was ten years old.
Gov. Cuomo: You're very frank Kathy. I think it would be quite something to know you in private life.
Lt. Gov. Hochul: Quid pro quo, governor.
Gov. Cuomo: After your father's murder you were orphaned. What happened next? I don't imagine the answer is on those second-rate shoes, Kathy.
Lt. Gov. Hochul: I lived with my mother's cousin and her husband in Fredonia. They had a ranch.
Gov. Cuomo: Was it a cattle ranch? Sheep and horses? How long did you live there?
Lt. Gov. Hochul: Two months. I ran away.
Lt. Gov. Hochul: No, he was a very decent man.
Gov. Cuomo: Don't you feel eyes moving over your body, Kathy?
Lt. Gov. Hochul: Governor, we don't have any more time for this now.
Gov. Cuomo: After your father's murder, you were orphaned. You went to live with cousins on a sheep and horse ranch. And?
Lt. Gov. Hochul: And one morning I just ran away.
Gov. Cuomo: Not 'just' Kathy. What set you off? You started at what time? Early. Still dark. Then something woke you. Didn't it. Was it a dream? What was it?
Lt. Gov. Hochul: I heard a strange noise.
Gov. Cuomo: What was it?
Lt. Gov. Hochul: It was screaming. Some kind of screaming. Like a child's voice. I went downstairs. I krept up into the barn. I was so scared to look inside. But I had to.
Gov. Cuomo: What did you see, Kathy? What did you see?
Lt. Gov. Hochul: Lambs. They were screaming.
Gov. Cuomo: They were slaughtering the spring lambs.
Lt. Gov. Hochul: And they were screaming.
Gov. Cuomo: And you ran away.
Lt. Gov. Hochul: No. I first tried to free them. I opened the gate to their pen. But they wouldn't run. They just stood there. Confused. They wouldn't run.
Gov. Cuomo: But you could. And you did. Didn't you?
Lt. Gov. Hochul: Yes. I took one lamb and I ran away as fast as I could.
Lt. Gov. Hochul: I don't know. I didn't have any food. Any water. And it was very cold. I thought if I could save just one. But he was so heavy. I didn't get more than a few miles when the Sheriff's car picked me up. The rancher was so angry. He sent me to live at an orphanage in Binghamton. I never saw the ranch again.
Gov. Cuomo: What became of your lamb, Kathy?
Lt. Gov. Hochul: He killed him.
Gov. Cuomo: You still wake up sometimes. Don't you? Wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the lambs?
Lt. Gov. Hochul: Yes.
Gov. Cuomo: And, you think if you save poor Catherine you could make them stop. Don't you. You think if Catherine lives you won't wake up in the dark ever again to that awful screaming of the lambs.
Gov. Cuomo: Thank you, Kathy. Thank you.
Lt. Gov. Hochul: Tell me his name, governor.
Gov. Cuomo: Dr. Chilton, I presume. I think you know each other.
Lt. Gov. Hochul: It's your turn, governor. Tell me his name.
Gov. Cuomo: Brave, Kathy. You will let me know when those lambs stop screaming. Won't you.
Freedom Lies In Being Bold -- Robert Frost
My house is approximately 300 yards from Penfield Road. I've lived here for 5+ years. On March 2 I walked to Wegmans on Willow Pond Way as a fire engine is blazing down Penfield Road. In the opposite direction another screaming fire engine approaches. I concluded The Towering Inferno or Acadia Planetia on Mars are destinations for this cacophony.
* A cat is stuck in a tree
* A child lost his bike
* A senior citizen misplaced his glasses
* A smoke alarm requires batteries
* A garden hose is punctured
* Dunkin' Donuts at 1802 Penfield Road is about to run out of Maple Frosted With Sprinkles
I lived on Winthrop Avenue in Albany next to Washington Avenue for five years when I worked for Senate Majority Leader Ralph J. Marino and Governor George E. Pataki. Washington Avenue is the major four-lane east-west route that travels to the New York State Capitol. I wasn't under siege in my residence from fire engines. As firefighters in our capital city respond to . . . fire.
From "Plenty of Firefighters, But Where Are The Fires" in The Boston Globe by Leon Neyfakh on September 8, 2013:
"The number of career fire fighters per capita in the United States is essentially unchanged since 1986, but of the roughly 30 million calls America's fire departments responded to in 2011, the last year for which statistics are available, only about 1.4 million were fire-related -- down by more than 50 percent since 1981, according to the National Fire Protection Association."
If the number of fire-related calls are down 50 percent nationally since 1981, the number of fire-related calls in Penfield are down 50 percent or thereabouts. If that assertion is incorrect I want to hear Penfield Town Supervisor Tony LaFountain explain precisely why.
As the duly elected Town Supervisor since since January 1, 2010 Supervisor LaFountain is charged with a responsibility to ensure the proper use of government vehicles. The people own these vehicles. The people deserve a fire department defined by integrity, character and dedication. Integrity, character and and dedication is not present in Penfield because out-of-control public employees concoct emergencies in a disgraceful breach of public trust.
"Thank you for the email. I will forward it on to the Penfield Fire District for their information as they are their own taxing district completely separate from the Town with an elected board. Their budget and election of board members is voted on by all residents of the town annually in December. Watch their legal notice of budget and board vote."
For you individuals at the Penfield Fire Department I report that fire is a rapid oxidation of a material in the exothermic chemical process of combustion releasing heat and light. Your job is to extinguish this threat. If you deduce no such threat exists you must forego the temptation to drive past my residence like the fast and furious. And ludicrous.
Freedom Lies In Being Bold -- Robert Frost
For six years I've walked my dog along a dirt path next to my house. A parking lot separates my house from a business: Consumer Insights. The path travels 50 yards. My dog has defecated and urinated on its desolate earth 3,000+ times.
On February 13 I walked him. A car from Consumer Insights departed the parking lot as I stood on the dirt path. It stopped and idled. I looked at the driver and passenger. One minute passed. The car continued to idle with its two occupants staring at me. I ended this bizarre intrusion into my life with forceful language.
Approximately thirty minutes later two Monroe County sheriff's deputies arrived at my front door. I asked: What law did I break? Each failed to answer. I asked: Is it illegal for a citizen to exercise his First Amendment right in public? Each failed to answer. I asked: Did you bring a copy of the property record or title that demonstrates Eliot Roth of Consumers Insights owns the land I walk my dog on? Each failed to answer. I asked: What is the name of the individual abusing 911? Each failed to answer. Because I am not in violation of any law. Or statute. Or ordinance. Or rule. Or proclamation.
One deputy decided I required an interrogation:
Deputy: What did you say to the woman in car?!
Chris Chichester: I said: What the fuck are you looking at? Fuck you. Just like I'm going to say to you as you stand there with that stupid look on your face: What the fuck are you looking at? Fuck you.
Deputy: Don't you swear at me.
Chris Chichester: I'll use any fucking language I want in my fucking house. Fuck you.
I was surprised this character did not read my Miranda warning for the use of profanity in my living room. Or place me in a chokehold. Or handcuff me to the coat rack. Or subdue me with his X26 Taser.
The delusional New Yorkers at Consumer Insights believe the Sheriff is a personal security detail. Rather than explain the lawful use of the police power to these extremists the Sheriff empowers them. His deputies arrive at my house with an enthusiasm that should be reserved for felons. It is a crime in our Empire State to falsely report an incident. From Penal Law § 240.50:
A PERSON IS GUILTY OF FALSELY REPORTING AN INCIDENT IN THE THIRD DEGREE WHEN, KNOWING THE INFORMATION REPORTED, CONVEYED OR CIRCULATED TO BE FALSE OR BASELESS, HE OR SHE:
1. INITIATES OR CIRCULATES A FALSE REPORT OR WARNING OF AN ALLEGED OCCURRENCE OR IMPENDING OCCURRENCE OF A CRIME, CATASTROPHE OR EMERGENCY UNDER CIRCUMSTANCES IN WHICH IT IS NOT UNLIKELY THAT PUBLIC ALARM OR INCONVENIENCE WILL RESULT; OR
2. REPORTS, BY WORD OR ACTION, TO AN OFFICIAL OR QUASI-OFFICIAL AGENCY OR ORGANIZATION HAVING THE FUNCTION OF DEALING WITH EMERGENCIES INVOLVING DANGER TO LIFE OR PROPERTY, AN ALLEGED OCCURRENCE OR IMPENDING OCCURRENCE OF A CATASTROPHE OR EMERGENCY WHICH DID NOT IN FACT OCCUR OR DOES NOT IN FACT EXIST
My 12-pound dog exercising his bodily functions is not an impending catastrophe or emergency. He is also not a Davidian Seventh-Day Adventist in Waco, Texas or former U.S. Army special forces combat engineer living peacefully in a Ruby Ridge, Idaho cabin. He is from the Tibet Plateau and demonstrates how the Wade-Giles scheme reflects the use of a syllabic fricative after a corresponding consonant in modern Mandarin.
Mr. Roth believes the proper method for resolving a dispute is not communication or conversation. He cravenly refused to knock on my door and talk to me directly. When I attempted to speak to him at his business he screamed at me to leave -- and called the Sheriff's office. Again.
I reported Consumer Insights to the Bureau of Consumer Frauds and Protection for Attorney General Eric Schneiderman. I'm not waiting in breathless anticipation for a response. Despite the consumer fraud I now require protection from.
I've never been arrested, charged or convicted of a crime. I believe in the law and the propagation of a civil society. Yet today I am the focus of law enforcement in performing a daily task notable for its banality.
The Sergeant for the Zone came to my house after the confrontation with the two deputies. It is the first time I spoke to an individual at the Sheriff's office with an understanding of police power. This appalling situation has careened to the point a supervisory deputy is in my living room because of: Boom Boom. He is named after former World Boxing Association lightweight champion Ray "Boom Boom" Mancini.
I adopted my dog from Lollypop Farm Humane Society in 2011. After an interview about my experience and employment history. I wanted a dog nobody wanted. On that day I am unaware that the Monroe County Sheriff's Office is empowered to descend on my house like I'm a criminal mastermind of Penfield by the lunatic fringe represented at Consumer Insights.
At his swearing-in ceremony on January 2 Sheriff Todd Baxter said:
"I think people are just looking for that sense of hope when it comes to law enforcement."
I hope I don't have to utter another syllable in front of your deputies, Todd. I hope you understand a criminal threat is not a dog walker. I hope you possess a professional comportment devoid of hysteria, extremism and incompetence. I hope you leave me alone.
Freedom Lies In Being Bold -- Robert Frost