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Democratic National Committee Edits U2's With Or Without You

by Chris Chichester on 09/19/17

Andrew M. Cuomo
Governor
New York State Capitol
Albany, New York 12224

Governor Cuomo,

The Democratic National Committee is committed to a Nineteen Eighty-Four totalitarian policing of language as we move toward the creation of our perfect republic Airstrip One.  This effort is lead by Deputy Chairman Keith Ellison [D-Cop Killer Assata Shakur] given his long history of anti-Semitism, intolerance and extremism

To prepare Democrats for competitive U.S. House and U.S. Senate campaigns our communication blueprint includes a comprehensive analysis of With or Without You from the March 9, 1987 studio album The Joshua Tree by U2. Robert Hilburn of The Los Angeles Times wrote: "Indeed, 'The Joshua Tree' finally confirms on record what this band has been slowly asserting for three years now on stage: U2 is what The Rolling Stones ceased being years ago--the greatest rock 'n' roll band in the world."

See the stone set in your eyes

A woman
is not an object defined by a stone or other sexist imagery in her eyes.  A woman's eyes are the validation of second-wave feminism that establishes a secretary is an office wife and marriage kills love.  Moreover, a woman's eyes are undoubtedly used to assert her right to choose the first-degree murder of abortion after the ultrasound proves it is an innocent baby. 

See the thorn twist in your side

A thorn twists in the side of a woman because it is a male-dominated society that keeps all women in chains.  The patriarchal oppression suffered by American women is a continuing disgrace as Secretary Hillary Clinton [D-You Know] failed to win the presidential election against a knuckle-dragging orange primate depicted on tape bragging about his joy of sexual assault. 

I wait for you

A stalker waits uninvited.  A stalker waits to transform women into victims.   It is unacceptable to wait for a woman unless she expressly grants permission.  A Ms. survey conducted by Gloria Steinem concluded all feminists must wait for marriage until the perfect billionaire cad Miss America judge spends such an obscene amount of money on you that it is an undeniable truth that a fish rides a bicycle in his tank.

Sleight of hand and twist of fate

Sleight of hand is sexual harassment and we demand that a man always keep his hands away from our biological parts. Especially you Catholics like Chris Chichester with your crosses, confession, Confirmation, Popes, incense, bread, wine, Eucharist, Second Vatican Council and St. Christopher medals. Please inform Papist Chris his recognized feast day no longer appears on the Church's universal liturgical calendar. He's excommunicated. Did we omit any reality in this 16th century nervous breakdown you call a religion, Chris?

On a bed of nails she makes me wait

A woman does not force a man to wait on a contraption like a bed of nails, Hannibal.  Such hysterical language is a reflection of your narcissistic refusal  to comprehend the dignity of feminist personhood. If, in fact, you do wait on a bed of nails than you will require treatment under the Affordable Care Act for a Bad back.  I'm Pleased To Meet You / I Hope You Guess My Name.

And I wait – without you

Trust is the foundation for a healthy relationship that empowers you to avoid a life of solitude.  A life of solitude is the destination for Chris Chichester.  As his birthday is 4th of July that fact confirms Chichester as a white, imperialist, slave-owner no different than Thomas Jefferson.  Please join us for our bus trip to Washington, D.C. as we are in preparation to raze The Jefferson Memorial.

With or without you

We reject your bankrupt attempt to establish the boundaries of a relationship.  We possess alternatives.  Founding Ms. editor Letty Cottin Pogrebin instructed us on the braless consciousness-raising liberation of lesbianism, carpentry, WNBA and the Jeep Wrangler.

With or without you

Your simplistic line of demarcation is the establishment of male chauvinism.  We advise you to read the work of feminist screamer Naomi Wolf to understand the critical career challenges women confront.   Particularly The Beauty Myth and Vagina: A New Biography. Her vagina biography was especially well-received at Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler and the San Fernando Valley porn film industry.  While Naomi did not interview a vagina we expect a Pulitzer Prize for non-fiction.

Through the storm, we reach the shore

The storm is caused by climate change such as Hurricane Harvey in Houston.   Harvey is also an invisible 6'3" sexist rabbit.   We, however, reach the shore with help from the United States Navy. The Navy is an insular institution in celebration of warfare.  We believe an aircraft carrier such as the USS John F. Kennedy must only be deployed in the same capacity as The Love Boat.  Especially a ship named after the 35th president where it is best utilized as a floating massage parlor.

You give it all but I want more

If you want more than we recommend a display of patience and respect.  You don't snap your fingers like Arthur Fonzarelli and expect a woman to come running like its fun city at that Milwaukee paradise of Arnold's.  To give it all in a relationship requires an express understanding of the Fifty Shades of Grey hard and soft limits. If you are confused about the definition of safeword please contact the offices of William J. Clinton at 1271 Avenue of the Americas, 42nd Floor, New York, N.Y. 10020.

And I'm waiting for you

A stalker waits for a woman. According to the National Center for Victims of Crime stalking is "virtually any unwanted contact between two people that directly or indirectly communicates a threat or places the victim in fear can be considered stalking."  That is you lurking, Bono.  The DNC recommends that you seek the necessary psychological counseling to treat your obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.

With or without you

Because we are abortion-on-demand fanatics the decision is: Without You.  According to the Vital Statistics at the New York State Department of Health there are 93,299 abortions in New York in 2014.   From 2010—2104:  499,017.  We support the extermination of these innocents because licentious individuals deserve more time to shop, drink, dance, Facebook Friend Request and engage in sex without consequences.

With or without you

I got it the first five times, Bono.  If you truly desire to be with a woman than you will avoid a relationship-killer like insufferable repetition.  And please inform The Edge that calling himself The Edge does not inspire confidence in women that he's The Captain Of Romance in such a Fatal Attraction orbit.

I can't live

Please refrain from such histrionics.  Your life continues despite your relationships.  A failed relationship is part of the constantly changing dynamics of life.  I guarantee you will meet a new woman to stalk, PDH.

With or without you

Our party research indicates Deferred Action For Childhood Arrivals or DACA has jurisdiction over approximately 800,000 illegal aliens.  These aliens enter the United States without legal identification, without permission, without compliance and without the intellectual ability to understand the term: sovereign nation.  This is the Democratic Party base.

And you give yourself away

To give yourself away you must undergo an abortion.  The abortionist is the chief executive officer of feminism.  According to "An Oral History of Ms." by Abigail Pogrebin in New York on October 30, 2011:
 
"In the first issue, 53 women disclosed that they'd had abortions -- or supported those that had."

And you give yourself away / And you give, and you give / And you give yourself away

You give yourself away when you still haven't found what you are looking for.  If this is your status than you are stuck in a moment you can't get out of.  Your best option is to find the right person who's gonna ride your wild horses. 

My hands are tied, my body bruised

Your hands are free and your body is healthy.  This is a gratuitous attempt to instill guilt and fear in a woman. I guarantee its failure.  If you continue to engage in this elevation of hysteria we will force you to listen to a U.S. House of Representatives floor speech by Congresswoman Maxine Waters [D—Barsoom].  Handsome, charming Chris Chichester is a former U.S. House staffer and he informs the DNC that ear plugs are required when Congresswoman Waters makes a request to revise and extend her remarks.

She got me with nothing to win

Please do not give up hope.  You always can look forward to a win.  A win is a man's perfect butt.  Ms. co-editor Harriet Lyons explains in the New York story:

"When you look at the best-selling issues, the men's issue [October, 1975] stands out; it flew off the newsstands because we had Robert Redford's back with a copy of Ms. magazine in his jeans pocket with his perfect butt."

And nothing left to lose

"Lose" remains a word incomprehensible to our party.  Even after we read its Merriam-Webster entry we still have not determined its definition as we deliriously celebrate Vice President Al Gore's presidential victory on November 7, 2000.  History will chronicle the landmark accomplishments of President Gore alongside his contemporary President Josiah Bartlett.

And you give yourself away /
And you give yourself away / And you give, and you give / And you give yourself away

Will you give us a break already?  Despite your cloying attempt to force our understanding, what the hell is the meaning of: And you give yourself away. We fail to comprehend how this standard is achieved In God's Country.  It is impossible to give yourself away.

With or without you

This dramatic choice has left us Running to Stand Still as we contemplate moving on up, yeah, out of the darkness, our love shines on, our love shines on, our love shines on. Moving on up, yeah, out of the darkness, our love shines on, our love shines on, our love shines on.

With or without you

Divorce is the best method to guarantee my life: without you.  The New York State Trial Lawyers Association is dedicated to your representation. These ambulance chasers remain our fanatical supporters in an America saturated by lawsuits.  We love these characters.

I can't live

Euthanasia is always your best option.   We believe in your right-to-die at any time you decide it is no longer a Beautiful Day.  Life's challenges include the dejection of I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For and Sunday, Bloody, Sunday.

With or without you

Excuse me, Bono, can you please stop screaming?  Bono? I asked you politely to cease screaming.  Bono?  Can I have a word with you about your hysterics?  Bono?  Can you engage me in a civil conversation?  Bono?  Are you listening to me?  Bono?  I want to talk to you after your Whose Afraid of Virginia Woolf? emotional meltdown.  Bono? I'm going to dial 911.  Is there a medication I can obtain for you so you can control yourself?  Bono?

With or without you

We recommend you spend considerable time in the desert next to The Joshua Tree. In order to resolve the indecision that drives your goal of "dismantling the mythology of America" in the making of this record.  As U2 is formed in Dublin, Ireland its four members qualify as experts in the Rattle and Hum of America.

With or without you

Please make a decision by New Year's Day and spare us the continuing drama you've inflicted on America.  If you're the self-proclaimed nuclear physicists who understand How to Dismantle An Atomic Bomb than the romantic entanglements of a relationship are transparent.
 
I can't live

Again, Rain Man? We explained your options.  On March 29, 1984 former Colorado Governor Richard Lamm said the terminally ill have "a duty to die and get out of the way." This is an undeniable truth in 2017.  Governor Lamm is now a leading candidate for the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination. 

With or without you

In your moment of torment and trouble we recommend Phil Joanoa's State of Grace.  While grace violates the separation of church and state it reflects our terminal hostility to every faith.

With or without you

Is this the 13th and final time we can expect to hear your ultimatum?  Are you finished?  As chairman of the Democratic National Committee I recommend With or Without You as the wedding song for every registered Democrat in America aspiring to hope and change.

Tom Perez
Chairman
Democratic National Committee

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Freedom Lies In Being Bold — Robert Frost
www.eff.org