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On The Blind Midgets And The Tweeter

by Chris Chichester on 10/29/17


To: Lonzo Ball

From: Chris Chichester

RE Your Communication Skills

"If you not with us now don't be with us later . . . we gone figure it out."

I am dedicated to improving your communication skills Lonzo. I encourage you to read The Elements of Style by E.B. White and William Strunk, Jr. It is 105 pages. Given your intellectual abilities you are certain to complete this invaluable book by 2020.

If you not with us . . . 

Correction: If you are not with us . . .

. . . we gone figure it out. 

Correction: We are going to figure it out.

I understand your limited communications skills are produced by your father LaVar. I advise you to avoid your father's language. Such as:

"When you don't win and don't even make the playoffs, and don't even stay on the court long enough, that's the best thing you can do is Tweet, make some stuff. Ain't nobody else doing that, because they're working on their game in the gym. These guys ain't played a game, always hurt, and at the bottom of the totem pole. So guess what, get your asses off the goddamn Tweeter, and get in the gym."

Where is the goddamn Tweeter, Lonzo? I think it is under the couch. Please retrieve it and give it back to your father so he can watch the blind midgets:

"Add their games up and see how they turn the program around. LSU (where Simmons attended) wasn't turned around, they're great players. They're good, they made it to the NBA, they're good kids that can play. Both of 'em played in college and didn't uplift their team. I ain't got nothing against Fultz, that boy can play, but if you really that good, your team gotta go at least .500 if you got a bunch of blind midgets."

I. Ain't. Got. Nothing. That is the perfect description for your father.


Freedom Lies In Being Bold — Robert Frost