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On The Tribal Rites Of The New Saturday Night

by Chris Chichester on 02/26/18

MEMORANDUM

To: Joan Taylor

From: Chris Chichester

RE Your Jesus Christ Reconstruction 

As a retired altar boy at Assumption Of The Blessed Virgin Mary Roman Catholic Church in Centereach, New York I read a story that describes your ability to determine the physical appearance of Jesus Christ.  From The Daily Express of London: 

What Did Jesus Look Like? Expert Reveals 'True" Characteristics of Christ

JESUS Christ was a short and muscular man, according to a historian who has studied the life and times of the so called Son of God to establish a depiction of what Jesus what have looked like 

By SEAN MARTIN


PUBLISHED 13:12, Fri, Feb. 23, 2018 UPDATED: 13:43, Fri, Feb. 23, 2018

Joan Taylor, a historian who has been attempting to chronicle the life of Jesus Christ, has reconstructed what The Messiah would have looked like. 

To achieve this Ms. Taylor has been analysing historical texts and skeletal records from modern day Jerusalem from the time Christ supposedly lived. 


Your reconstruction failed to accurately described HIS true characteristics. The Way, The Truth and The Life is 19-year-old Tony Manero from Brooklyn, New York. He lives with his parents in Bay Ridge and works at a paint store for Mr. Fusco.  Mr. Fusco provides Tony with career-altering advice such as: No, Tony, you can't fuck the future. The future fucks you.  It catches up with you and fucks you if you ain't planned for it. 

Tony is a dancer with talent.  Every Saturday night he performs at 2001 Odyssey.  He prepares.   He admires himself in front of a mirror wearing black jockey underwear.  He selects his new lay-away shirt from the closet. He dries his hair with a SUPERPRO blow drier. He zips his polyester pants thinking about the unzipping.  He affixes a crucifix and gold chain. His father asks him to come to dinner. He replies: I ain't hungry. I got my shirt on. I don't want to get anything on it.

At dinner Tony drapes a white sheet over himself to prevent food from spilling on his flammable disco shirt.  His mother begins the meal by blessing herself as she states her son's name: Father Frank, Jr.  Tony's sister tells him: You're so jealous of Frank,  Jr. Tony replies: Oh, shut up, will you. Tony's father hits him behind the head. Tony's mother hits his father.  Tony's father hits his mother. Tony's mother hits his sister. Tony's father hits him behind the head again. Tony's sister throws food at him. Tony tells her: Hey, the shirt, watch the shirt, stupid.

Tony's grandmother objects to the dinner table activity with: Mangia! Mangia! Tony's father notices a pork chop on his plate. He takes it off the plate and slams it on the table.  He yells: One pork chop! One! Tony tells his father: It's disgusting, right. It's sick.  Tony's father hits him behind the head again. Tony replies: Would you just watch the hair!? You know, I work on my hair a long time and you hit it. He hits my hair. 

Tony waits for his ride to 2001 Odyssey with Joey, Bobby C, Double J and Gus.  When the car stops Tony opens the door -- and the car quickly drives away. Tony charges: You assholes almost broke my pussy finger.  As they walk to 2001 Tony asks the existential question: If you put your dick in a spic does it get bigger than a nigger? He does not receive an answer.

Tony is a superstar dancer at 2001.  He takes over the dance floor without a partner.  Connie is impressed. She dances with Tony and asks him if his dancing rivals his ability to perform sexual intercourse.  Tony answers her question with sensitivity and compassion: You know, Connie, if you're as good in bed as you are on the dance floor I bet you're one lousy fuck. 

2001 is the environment for everyone to worship Tony. Such as Doreen.  She asks him: Can I wipe off your forehead?  Another woman orders Tony to kiss her on the dance floor. He does. She walks away in delirium claiming: Oh, I just kissed Al Pacino! 

Tony decides to enter a dance contest at 2001 with Annette.  She loves him because he treats her with contempt and ridicule.  She likes to watch him walk down the street to the studio.  Tony  provides sage advice to her such as: Are you a nice girl or are you a cunt?  Annette wants to be both.  Tony fails to understand this personal development goal. 

One night at 2001 Tony notices Stepanie Mangano dancing at 2001.  He is instantly attracted to her ability and beauty.  He plans. He approaches her at the dance studio with the eloquence of F. Scott Fitzgerald: You know, you and I got the same last initial.  Stephanie replies that a possible marriage won't require her to change the monogram on her luggage.  

Tony has lunch with Stephanie. He appreciates her class and sophistication. As she is an incredible success story as a secretary.  But she is already functioning in a public relations capacity. She drinks tea because it's a lot more refined. She tells Tony she fills in for the agents when they are elsewhere.  

She has business lunches with Cat Stevens and Eric Clapton.  Stephanie says: Hey, you know who came into the office the other day?  Laurence Olivier. Tony asks: Who's that?  Stephanie informs him: He's the greatest actor in the whole world. Oh, come on. You know who he is.  He's the English actor. Stephanie does not cite Olivier's Academy Award for Best Actor for Hamlet.  She tells Tony he is the one on television who does all those Polaroid commercials.

Tony pretends to know Olivier. He exclaims: Oh? Him? Oh, he's good.  

Stephanie:  So I do a few errands for him. So he goes around and tells everyone in the entire office. I'm the brightest. I'm the most vivechist thing in the entire office he's seen in years.  Tony asks Stephanie if Oliver can buy him a camera at a discount.  

Stephanie tells Tony she is changing and growing.  Tony replies: Why don't you go on a diet.  He laughs. Stephanie likes Tony. She agrees to dance with him. She tells him she doesn't want him coming on to her.   She asserts: I'm sick of jerk-off guys who ain't go their shit together. Tony is chewing his food and replies:  Oh, come on, it's easy to get your shit together. All you need is a salad bowl and a potato masher.  You get your shit together. 

Stephanie is offended. She rebukes Tony:  You're a cliche.  You're nowhere on your way to no place.  Tony replies:  What do you got? A fucking stairway to the stars, or what?  They agree to become partners for the 2001 Odyssey contest.  

Tony's life is a boring and unfilled existence when he is not at the disco.  He wanders aimlessly with his friends through Brooklyn.  

Tony is at odds with his father.  Tony received a four dollar raise at the paint store. He tells his father.  They bond in a dinner table conversation:

Frank, Sr.: Four dollars. You know what four dollars buys today? It don't ever buy three dollars.
Tony: I don't see no one givin' you a raise down at unemployment.
Frank, Sr.: Four dollars? Shit. 
Tony: I knew you'd piss on it. Go on piss on it. All right? A raise says like you're good, you know?  You know how many times someone told me I was good in my life? Two. Twice. Two fuckin' times. This raise today, and dancin' at the disco.  You sure as fuck never did. Asshole. 

Tony and his friends frequently stop at the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge to climb the cables and defy death. The Bridge has a special significance to Tony as an avenue to a new life. He memorized facts about the bridge.  He takes Stephanie to the Bridge for a romantic interlude. He tells her the tower rises 690 feet, 40 million cars cross every year, the weight is 127,000 tons of steel, the center span is 4,260 and with the on-raps it totals 2.5 miles. 

Tony informs Stephanie that they also got a guy buried in the cement. They was working on it apparently at the time. They was pouring the cement and he slipped off on the upper part of the bridge and fell in.   Because he's a dumb fuck. 

Tony helps Stephanie move. He tells her Mr. Fusco fired him because he asked for the afternoon off.  Stephanie is compassionate. She tells Tony: Nobody bitched at my office. I got the whole day off. 

The night before the dance contest at 2001 Tony, Double J, Bobby C and Joey plan revenge for the Barracudas assault on Gus.   Double J drives them to the gang headquarters.  They have no plan. But Double J.  suddenly steps on the gas and the car is about to crash into the headquarters. Bobby C. decides that is the appropriate time to confess his future plans. He says:  Tony, I'm going to get married. 

Tony arrives at the dance contest at 2001 to greet Stephanie. Tony wears a three-piece white suit.  He greets Stephanie at the front door with band-aid over his eye. He tells he cut himself shaving.  Stephanie is not fooled.  

Tony and Stephanie dance.  It is spectacular.  María Héctor and César Rodríguez are the next couple.  But their routine is also spectacular.  The judge announces the first place decision without recognizing that Stephanie danced with Tony:  The coolest, Brooklyn's Fred Astaire, the boogie-woogie man. He was hot! He was right on! Stephanie Mangano and Tony Manero. 

Tony is unemotional.  He believes the contest is rigged against 
María and César. He gives the couple the trophy and leaves with Stephanie. He attempts to have sex with Stephanie in the car -- but he is rejected. Stephanie flees but does not slam the car door on Tony's penis like Sandy in Grease.  

Tony and his friends drive to the Verrazzano-Narrows Bridge to perform the usual death-defying cable-climbing antics.  Bobby C, previously reluctant to participate, is on the bridge next to Tony. He is suddenly upset with the searing betrayal that Tony did not call him earlier. Tony attempts to console Bobby C.  Bobby C. slips and falls to his death in the Narrows. 

Tony finally understands his pathetic, instant gratification life on a train ride.  As morning breaks Tony knocks on Stephanie's door.  She opens the door and tells him: It's the first time I let a known rapist into my house. He apologizes for acting like a Kennedy.  They sit on the window sill to talk.

Tony tells Stephanie he will create a new life.  In Manhattan.  Stephanie tells him Manhattan is only for people with superior skills and qualifications. Like her. She can type. Tony wants to be friends. Stephanie says: Let's be friends. Stephanie kisses and hugs Tony The Rapist. They clasp hands.  Stephanie hugs Tony. How Deep Is Your Love by The Bee Gees plays. 
 

*

Freedom Lies In Being Bold -- Robert Frost
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